WHAT KIND OF A STUDENT ARE YOU? By REPHER MUKONZO

ABSENT

Is a student who qualifies for the title because the name exists within the school records. In the essence, the student is always socially present but academically absent. The student might know where to find the lecture halls but literally fail to know whatever goes on there. He is usually in class and at the hostel at the same time.

EXAMPLE

The student happened to have some qualities of a student, but acts more of a non-student. The student is always held up with multiple errands that always outnumber the academics. The student acknowledges the need to camouflage into a comrade whenever exams are near. Pays fees under pressure, buys no books, owns no pen but sits for exams eventually; always conscious of all the luxury joints but unfortunately sub-conscious of the lecture halls. Given a chance, the student could state for you Mututho law without skipping even a full stop, knows all liquor prices and where to get both cheap and expensive liquor alike. He is a celebrity of liquor vendors to an extent of getting a saucer bottle of beer.

TELE-STUDENT

He knows whatever goes on in school through communication-electronic gadgets. Hardly does the student show up in school, and even if he showed up, it is because the caring Johnnie gave a call. He follows school proceedings on face book-thanks to face book. He knows the roommate’s number because a friend happened to give him.

He can contact the class representative because they are friends on face book. He never misses out the exam date in his mentalistic diary because Kate, voluntarily offered to be updating him with every bit of information. He walks with earphones in his ears even when it is apparent no phone exists around him.

PASSIVE

Is a student yes, attends classes yes, but doesn’t know why he/she is a student. Attends all classes but may miss out a CAT. May be present in class but come out with no notes due to the fact that asking for what he missed out is a problem. Even if the student collects the CAT, it is always a delay and always accompanies an apology letter. He is cautious of the time when exams sets in but may fail to have an exam card because he didn’t know where and when it was given out.

VOLUNTEER

Is a good Samaritan as a child of God could say. The student is cautious of the hardships lazybones do pass through and always offer a helping hand before they could crumble down with a thud. He is ready to be the group leader who eventually does everything that will leave the group members with a smile. Offers to write a rough copy, prepare a fair copy, type and finally print out. Even if there was class presentations, the student could willingly do it with no hard feelings. The student always have a slogan of “ just leave it to me”. Even group work, “leave to me”.

EVER KEEN

Is a student who knows every bit of activities that does happen in class-mostly non-academic. Even if a coin dropped, the student can account for it and let you know when it dropped, how and why. Knows when you remix your clothing and always acknowledges every mistake in everyone’s fashion of the day. Knows one is smart, when shabby will be the first one to realize the new hairstyle. Knows when the group work is given out, forms a group instantly but doesn’t attend the discussion.

PEN-FRIENDLY

Is one who is legitimately married to the pen. The student notes almost every word that comes out of the lecturer’s mouth which may include the name, level of education and to some extent marital status. The mind and the pen have a strong bond that surprises the metallic bond. His books are filled up regularly and the student promotes the shop vendors wholeheartedly by constantly buying books. During exams, he usually asks for another booklet as he has everything to write about nothing!