OPINION: POLITICS THE OLD PROFESSION?

By Kirong Shadrack
‘Politics’ the old Profession after prostitution ‘is common saying. An ambiguous word and Profession that has left many wanting more and others a bad taste in their mouth, while others its a no go zone. A close case study is we; the attitude is just patronizing and low in esteem. That we have come up with contemporary and inflexible definitions like ‘Politics is ‘not my taste’ ‘none’ ‘dirty game’, Is a prejudiced and preconceived conclusion in itself.
But what political spectrum has mooted this varied and divergent attitude?
Met my long friend recently in the village. And as they say a friends are like clothes, that without them life will be naked. These special friend of mine left for the city few years ago, but just like any other city dweller, the village serves as coolant especially during the simmering economic heat during the festive season. And for me am not just like any other ‘cloth’, but a confidant. In his round and about defense, when wagging tongues began questioning his unusual overstay in the village few days ago, he claimed that tables had turned on him. In what a plain, courageous and straightforward professional gossiper in the village will tell you, he was fired!
Our discussion however does not revolve around that, not for now, but about the reality checks that await us, and many other Kenyans who are still in the ‘dark’. Being a family man and economist, he has never been economical with truth though. Politics and its impact on economics.while the latter has always had democratic space to balance its forces in the market, it’s a fact also that it can never work without the former.
And to bring our discussion home is the particularized instances of the County Government that are still in its implementation process, and what they hold in store for all of us. But again it is already a shot in the arm in its progress, if the political maneuvering and double political standards we are seeing is anything to go by. And as my friend would add, we are to blame, for simple, inexcusable and transparent reasons; politics is dirty game! And I could not agree with him more than that. But wait, who is doing dirty here? Or who is the dirty one?
In best world Democracies like United Kingdom or United States of America a Politician, is elected or not elected based good policies or ideologies or vice versa. The public through the media participates actively in scrutinizing the incoming leadership. But what about Africa? And to specific Kenya? Tribal prisms, Kingpins, Ethnic Balkanization, family Dynasty and politics of dominance since inception, could suit our political dictionary .Explaining why we continue lamenting about bad leadership, corruption and retrogressive policies and stagnation. What a modern tragedy! That the interest of the ‘few’ comes before the interest of the National County. Can these political juggernauts be stopped?
We might have so much engrossed our attention on the ‘big race ‘Presidency at the expense of the ‘small race’ County Government. But why should we zero rate our potential to shape things when they are close, and instead cast a big umbrella of ambitions and hope at a wider field?
Ask anybody near you who is contesting for whatever post in County, and I bet, the answer will just be like any other New Year resolution, ‘I don’t know and who cares? ‘But why are we overlooking the County Government which in real sense is the baseline of our economic endeavours ?
We need to refocus and rethink about this, lest we want to record unprecedented economic and political showdown in history. And, only if we start demystifying the ‘dirty game, not my taste’ slogan in this old Profession, then we shall see a breakthrough.
The political season is here with us. A time’ to separate chaffs and ‘ grains’, a time to vet true leaders, time to usher a new breed of leaders. Will you stand the ‘storm?’ The time is now, and you got the power with you! YOUR VOTE IS YOUR FUTURE!
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QUOTE: ‘’ Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness’’ Martin Luther King, Jr.

ONE ON ONE WITH THE VC THAT NEVER WAS

By Kirong Shadrack

The following is a phone conversation between a student and the VC.

VC: (the phone is ringing continually the VC clears his throat then picks)… Over and loud!.. OVER?
STUDENT smiling and enjoying the moment)….OVER!
VC : Yees! There is a little problem with our network here. How are you bwana? Seems my secretary is away…( gently inguires)..natuaongea na nani by the way?
STUDENT: Am a bonafide student na nilikuwa nainguire hiyo stori na opening.aje aje?
VC: (takes time to reply)..and eh?... ( irritated) which school are you my friend? Did you do communication skills? Do you know whom you talking to?
STUDENT (apologetically)…isa isa mtu wangus..Sori Prof. hii lifestyle yetu nayo noma.
VC: (interjects)..but you know saying anything.may be we should start another school for people like you .
STUDENT: ( nodding)…agree with you Prof. But how will I write IRD 102 (QS )? In the same language.
VC: I don’t know.you go and ask your lecturer. And please remind me your school ?
STUDENT: ( sporadically)…school of Cramming, Correction and Waiting (CCW)
VC: ( seriously taking notes)..Tat is good! Know the school. Was just speaking with your Dean few minutes ago. So where do you come from?
STUDENT: Me come from Baraa.
VC: So you come from within? Our neighboring University Baraton?..
STUDENT interrupts)..no no Prof. Baragoi.
VC: ( laughing)..How is that place? We were chatting with the person in charge of Extension and Research. We have identified Baragoi as one of the Academic hotspots. We were thinking of opening another satellite campus there. The University has seen illiteracy as source of this infighting in our society.
STUDENT: (nodding).. hapo umebonga Prof. Kwanza mitakuwa Janitor. Hope hamtanivet. Sa opening ni lini? Hii stori na kuchana majani chai na mabundits kutuvamia imekuwa tu noma?
( the phone clicks off..then clicks on)
VC: OVER!...OVER! You getting me?
STUDENT shouting) Getting you loud and clear Over!
VC: My line is jammed. Didn’t get your last sentence?
STUDENT: Hiyo stori ya opening jo?
VC: (answers slowly)…my friend I think tat one, you should ask the relevant authorities. Am I clear? Any question?.. You see am a busy man my next flight to Hungary is in the next two hours.
STUDENT: (hurriedly)..mashida kibaao Prof!…kwanza cockroaches kila mahali.mpaka hata siku hizi wananichapa exile if I don’t cook for them.Halafu hao watu wa duka na chipo uingilie kati naona siku hizi nikuzoeana! Halafu mamissing marks kibao! Na hiyo Hostel M mumalize kuconstruct hii stori na Accomodation ni aibu ndogo ndogo, lakini imetucost mbaya mbaya! Na mubeef up security hatutaki kuskia stori ya Peter tena.
VC: ( taking notes)..I have heard you.The Senate will deliberate on them in the next meeting if its not postponed.Anything else?
STUDENT: (relieved)….Hakuna Prof. mpaka further notice, me nikicome.
VC: Then you have a good day and polish your language, want to see a difference in you next time.
STUDENT: ( smiling)..ok Prof have understood. Dank you!
VC: Thank you also. OVER!
STUDENT: OVER AND OUT!

MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

By Henry Adera

The so much awaited year is here with us! And the talk of the day everywhere is ‘Resolutions’. I have to confess though that I've never fully made out the concept of New Year resolutions since I've never made any. Frakaz and their share holders alike, have booting booz among others, in their New Year resolutions list. However, let me be part of the resolutions frenzy by outlining some of my own for this year. 

1.SHEDDING OFF THE FAKE FRIENDS COCOON.
No man is an island, so goes an ancient cliche. Everyone has friends, both fake and genuine ones. However, it's usually a hell of a task to differentiate the two groups but from my experience, I've come up with a working formula: ‘Hard times’, a friend in need is a friend indeed, so they say. Hard times usually reveal true friends from fake ones, just try it out. I have some friends in the fake bracket and top on my resolutions list is to scrap them off, which I think will aid me in gaining some weight. Sometimes having few friends actually means entertaining less bullshit.

2. CHANGING MY CONTACT.
There it is. I'm doing this solely because of one constant prick in my butt; my ex-girl. Ever heard of being to hell and back? I have, I can show you vouchers. See, six years ago I promised that I'd pass through hell for her and she made it certain that I did. I've since moved on but her unscheduled texts almost tore my current relationship into pieces last year. Reason? You can ask any The 3rd Eye Crew member, especially Lau Lawi and Kirong' Shadrack. Entertaining her crap will be like reading the same novel over and again when I already know its introduction, it's climax and how it ends. No, sir. I won't do that!

3. MENDING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST.
I’ve sinned a lot and so have you, so don't play Holy here. From cohabiting to exiling room mates, Fracaz to Harvard. I've come to realize that the only relationship where I won't have my heart broken, is the relationship between Christ and I. I'll try as much as possible to pray everyday, though I'm still not certain about attending Church Services. Reason? Very complicated story for you, without subtitles. 

4. APPRECIATING TECHNOLOGY.
I haven't talked about giving it thumbs up yet, just the appreciation part. From smoke signals to e-mail, technology has surely made my life simple. However, as much as I'm a Tech student, I'll still not give thumbs up to technology till; The day me or any of my fellow Engineers invent a machine which measures brain pressure or till the day I'll be able to download beer.
I'll do with these four for now. Most New Year Resolutions are never upheld, you can bear me witness. For this reason, I've neatly typed these 2013 resolutions and saved the word document on my desktop, next to the Recycle bin!

HAVE A PROSPEROUS 2013, WON'T YOU?

MY BABY, 2013

By Stanley Kimuge

My baby I have a letter for you. As we wheel down I can speak admirably about. I know you just fresh. I know that the beautiful ones are not yet to be born. But with you, I can see are the first girl from that generation. I seat back holding my cheek and just stare at this with my lasses giving themselves high five. 

I look with much ado. I can smile at you. You erase the bad moments we had from my previous girl friend. I know you know that useless and rickety 2012. She slept with a lot of thugs. Though, things were as good as always. Until, well until she had grown wrinkles. At first, she was so innocent. She couldn’t spit at harmless fly. I knew I would live with her forever. But we had to break up last night. 

I must admit that the cupid arrow had struck the bottom of my heart. She had what every man desired: beautiful blues eyes iris surrounded by milky matter. She kept her nail long enough to scratch my back. She had perfect scenery. The well curved plateau behind and two hills in front must have struck me most. After all, she has eaten margarine. And of course, the balanced diet from me.

But things had evolved so fast. She complained that I had thoughts on you. The problem is that I found myself fanaticizing on you. I could see her face sagging. Her taste of life had changed so quickly. She began complaining of back aches. Even bed aches. I could go alone to have a yokuzuna drink. Just hoping that someone replaced by emptiness. She even protested my newly learnt Gangstarman dance style. It was childish. She had said in her sick bed, few days before we were separated. But that’s now past. 

I know the Valentine Day will be rosy I promise. It is the sweet sixteen. I must buy you a pair of manicured skirt. I’ll spend more than in the last days. A bash was to celebrate our divorce. We will toss our love and of course doze in bed as usual. That will mark epitome of us. Don’t worry I’ll introduce you to the World of bliss. For now, I just hope and pray that things will fly smoothly.

MY TOP 6 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS IN 2013

By William Dekker

2012 is now History, almost to everyone except me who is haunted by memories of my fast elapsing 366 days, this leap year. What a year! But at least am done with it, so I will refrain from crying over spill milk. The modest thing here to do is to come up with my “New year resolutions” as much as I don’t verily understand the concept of that phrase. Perhaps, this is my concept, if at all am good enough to digest the true meaning of “New Year resolutions”.

1. DROP THE MOTTO: WE SHALL MEET AT THE GRADUATION SQUARE

I commit to improve my class attendance from my previous constant rate of 6% to 13%. I bet that more is a double-rate improvement. Finally, those who might have wondered if am ever seen at the SRs, LTs and LRs will have an opportunity to see me re-surface. Were it not for this first resolution, from 1st year to my final, we would have only met once at the Graduation Square. But IRD kama kawaida; distance learning or continuous skiving till “serikali iingilie kati”

2. REDUCE THE NUMBER OF “SOUPS”

It’s high time I gave my transcripts a new look, courtesy of 2013. Bet me, I commit to reduce the number of “soups” and asterisks on my esteemed transcript; probably from 7 to 5. Wow! Two massive improvement!. Though, am sure this would be tall order for me. I’ll need to work extra hard, and put in a lot more sacrifices e.g. I can’t even mention; not frakaz, not UEFA! Or, I’d rather stick to my “<40%” because that’s where I honestly belong. No pains!

3. RESCHEDULE MY DATE WITH FRAKAZ

I’m already in tears while putting this down. On my! Will this really work? Even the attendants at this “my home away from home” know that they are destined to reserve me numerous bottles for Monday…Wednesday…Thursday…Friday…Sato and Sunday. So who expects me to tell them “nimeokoka siku tatu” n will only be drinking on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday? NOOOOO! How will I eliminate the Monday blues? Frakaz pap! Weno si “ladies nyt” and am obliged to actively participate. Thursdays I’m always agenda-less so I have to go for the substitute agenda; mututho! Friday? No comment! Sato is obvious! Sundays; I have to recharge in order to face another hell of a week, so am not sure which day to abstain apart from the usual terrific Tuesday; which has alcohol taste like “duck sweat” jeeez!!!

4. EXILE NO MORE

I am so sure my “roomie” is singing “Hallelujah” somewhere as he reads this. Pheeew! Finally, he won’t suffer the wrath of my “active-age”. I commit not to exile him anymore. His weekends shall never be the same again. No cries, No woes, No silent torture! I remember how I used to torment him this year, as soon as I get to business; from Friday night to Sundaaaaaay…..oh my! I guess I won’t have any business with the empty "Hostel A.T.Ms”. People, remember it’s me who used to take them down as soon as they were refilled with C-word. Ahem!

5. ALWAYS SEND 80% OF HELB TO MUM

Mum, I commit to bestow upon you; the powers to receive and consume, 80% of the HELB Loan disbursed to my inactive bank account. I’ll spend the remaining 20% wisely; 1. To purchase you people back at the village gifts as the semester closes down; 2. Send pocket money to my Form 2 girlfriend, and purchase some “kitenge clothes” for her current step-mother. At least with that my “future” role is guaranteed. The rest of the amount I’ll use to purchase some local grade goats. Please, take good care of them(goats) since I’ll use them as dowry the soonest I graduate.

6. ABANDON HOSTEL “J” AND STICK TO MY “H”

Finally, the Janitor and Security Personal won’t have a rough time anymore; battling my inevitable dominance in the female’s Hostel J. For the past two semesters of the previous academic year, I broke the 10 to 10 rule, innocently. It wasn’t an intentional breach of the institution’s accommodation laws, I blame it on “nature and age.” This things at times just seem to me unavoidable. Three quarters of the semester I spent my nights in Hostel J, year and of course “days” as well…oops! I commit to bear the atmosphere in H, the hustle and bustle of a ghetto zone since here is where I belong. Lakini enyewe, kikiumana; J pap!

THAT WAS MY CHRISTMAS

By Wangechi Kahiro

No one likes a party popper, a buzz kill, the jinx to an anticipated even. No one likes that person who updates hateful messages on their face book status when it’s Christmas. In fact if you get hit by a car on this day, its better you keep it to yourself until the Boxing Day. For this one day you are expected to put everything aside and just focus on celebrating the birth of Christ. It’s ‘what would Jesus do’ day. And if he was to descend down Himself on this day He would find us walking in His footsteps and nothing less.

In my experience, these are all things we are willing to do when everything else previous to this day seems to add up. It’s a day we hear of baby Jesus in a manger. However, come to think about it. What would have been your reaction if things don’t happen as you expected, and the very day you find yourself evading Shylock, mending a broken heart and cringing over all the regrets you will have to live with? Would you still let Jesus have the spotlight? Would you manage to make it about someone else other than yourself? Let’s take these instances;

On the eve of Christmas you spilled strong tea on your laptop which then requires you to spend your hard –earned cash, to repair that coveted outfit or replace the keyboard. Yes, this means that your pompous fernery will have to see you in that enduring dress. Let’s not pretend that it’s not about how others perceive you, beauty on the inside has never won any pageant.

And as anticipated always fare to upcountry triples during this festive season and our matatu operators owes no one an apology for that! Forcing you to make a tight budget, including surviving with bottle of water a long the various stop-over’s on you way.
Your arrival up country is met with a ‘special’ reception. All the children flock to side, ready to unburden for you anything you carrying. Life starts, and so there you are left with only a thousand shillings between you and poverty. And to add the insult and torture, are your other relatives who are looking up to you for a treat. Could this day not be more dreadful?

What a day! Hanging on a thin – financial thread. With the same thousand a note you still expect to afford to buy two loaves of bread and walk half the distance back to Nairobi. And with the heavy rains, you know that an umbrella is not a luxury. Lucky you if you can convince a Good Samaritan to save you from the heavy torrents.

The journey back to the City is no different nightmare, from the one you experienced earlier. And when you finally board a matatu the touts intentionally overestimates the passengers carrying capacity by overloading. And seating six instead of four per seat in 14 – setter matatu, is a cruel reality you have to swallow! Not to mention stench smells and perspiration. And by the time you highlight the smell will be out of this world!

Say something snotty to the conductor about the matter and he will care less about your ‘cosmopolitan’ demands. And some are even arrogant, they speed away without giving you back your change.If this was a hotel, “ungechonga viazi” but in this place you’re up for some hard earned cash in the farm.

Not so merry a Christmas is it? You have two options: to start an anti -santa or anti-Christmas campaign on face book and twitter or give thanks that you made it this far. If you really (I mean really) look into it you will find some blessings to be thankful for. It’s Christ’s idea of celebrating His birthday.