ONE ON ONE WITH THE VC THAT NEVER WAS

By Kirong Shadrack

The following is a phone conversation between a student and the VC.

VC: (the phone is ringing continually the VC clears his throat then picks)… Over and loud!.. OVER?
STUDENT smiling and enjoying the moment)….OVER!
VC : Yees! There is a little problem with our network here. How are you bwana? Seems my secretary is away…( gently inguires)..natuaongea na nani by the way?
STUDENT: Am a bonafide student na nilikuwa nainguire hiyo stori na opening.aje aje?
VC: (takes time to reply)..and eh?... ( irritated) which school are you my friend? Did you do communication skills? Do you know whom you talking to?
STUDENT (apologetically)…isa isa mtu wangus..Sori Prof. hii lifestyle yetu nayo noma.
VC: (interjects)..but you know saying anything.may be we should start another school for people like you .
STUDENT: ( nodding)…agree with you Prof. But how will I write IRD 102 (QS )? In the same language.
VC: I don’t know.you go and ask your lecturer. And please remind me your school ?
STUDENT: ( sporadically)…school of Cramming, Correction and Waiting (CCW)
VC: ( seriously taking notes)..Tat is good! Know the school. Was just speaking with your Dean few minutes ago. So where do you come from?
STUDENT: Me come from Baraa.
VC: So you come from within? Our neighboring University Baraton?..
STUDENT interrupts)..no no Prof. Baragoi.
VC: ( laughing)..How is that place? We were chatting with the person in charge of Extension and Research. We have identified Baragoi as one of the Academic hotspots. We were thinking of opening another satellite campus there. The University has seen illiteracy as source of this infighting in our society.
STUDENT: (nodding).. hapo umebonga Prof. Kwanza mitakuwa Janitor. Hope hamtanivet. Sa opening ni lini? Hii stori na kuchana majani chai na mabundits kutuvamia imekuwa tu noma?
( the phone clicks off..then clicks on)
VC: OVER!...OVER! You getting me?
STUDENT shouting) Getting you loud and clear Over!
VC: My line is jammed. Didn’t get your last sentence?
STUDENT: Hiyo stori ya opening jo?
VC: (answers slowly)…my friend I think tat one, you should ask the relevant authorities. Am I clear? Any question?.. You see am a busy man my next flight to Hungary is in the next two hours.
STUDENT: (hurriedly)..mashida kibaao Prof!…kwanza cockroaches kila mahali.mpaka hata siku hizi wananichapa exile if I don’t cook for them.Halafu hao watu wa duka na chipo uingilie kati naona siku hizi nikuzoeana! Halafu mamissing marks kibao! Na hiyo Hostel M mumalize kuconstruct hii stori na Accomodation ni aibu ndogo ndogo, lakini imetucost mbaya mbaya! Na mubeef up security hatutaki kuskia stori ya Peter tena.
VC: ( taking notes)..I have heard you.The Senate will deliberate on them in the next meeting if its not postponed.Anything else?
STUDENT: (relieved)….Hakuna Prof. mpaka further notice, me nikicome.
VC: Then you have a good day and polish your language, want to see a difference in you next time.
STUDENT: ( smiling)..ok Prof have understood. Dank you!
VC: Thank you also. OVER!
STUDENT: OVER AND OUT!