SPORTS WEEKEND

By Robert Mogusu

It has been a week now and Arsenal's wound is seen to dry up and heal after an injury they acquired last weekend from their rivals Man City. Here comes Chelsea who want to step on the healing wound mercilessly.

Chelsea Manager, Benitez has called his boys whom he as referred to as 'players of character' into the pitch to face the Gunners at Stamford.

Benitez has bragged over Captain John Terry by saying that he will
test Arsenal after being out of the pitch due to an injury from
November. Terry was substituted in the match they played on Wednesday with Southampton. Benitez claims that he played a good game even though they went on a 2-2 draw.

Wenger's Arsenal side got a relief after centre forward placed
player, Walcott signed a 3 1/2 years contract.This was after the player was awarded a salary of 100,000 pounds per week.Walcott who joined Arsenal at 16 and who is now 23 years old has stood to be one of the best players that Arsenal has nurtured.

The sixth placed Arsenal is supposed and looks forward to brighten the faces of its fans by making sure that they beat Chelsea on Sunday and hence reduce the gap between them and the leaders of the table, Manchester United.

Chelsea is also to try and reduce the 13-point gap between them and Manchester United while giving solace to its fans following the
unexpected 2-2 draw with Southampton on Wednesday.

Who will make it real? Will Arsenal lose again? Will Chelsea's Terry change the look of things? Will Walcott's salary increment motivate him to do wonders?

Let's wait and see.

Why accomodation bookings could go online

FROM NEWS DESK


Moi University-Main Campus I.C.T department has disclosed plans to have accommodation and examinations results go online, according to a source in that office.

Speaking to the 3rdEye reporter, the source which requested anonymity, confided that they are working on the system.

"We are now 85% of the project which could be in use this year", said the source, adding that the remaining part will be about evaluation of the system. 

The administrator was quick to clarify that house keepers will called and student's body, to check whether the system is viable. However, the ICT director could not be reached for a comment, since he is said to have travelled. 

The News will be great relief to students who have had to struggled in long queues to get rooms. This will also be a big step in the academic arena, the students will now access their result wherever they are.

Just this week, we broke news that Moi has gone wireless. The students are currently signing up for passwords in the I.C.T office which will assist them use the network .

DIASPORA??? "ENGLAND" INDEED

By Francis “Kalulu” Omondi 

Set at the end of AICO “highway” lies my new duplex, Oxford. As its name suggests, found in “England.” The surrounding scenery of “tropical forests” and the dark blue painting on its wall glues you to the magnificent artistic structure sending through you numerous imaginations of the kind of life that awaits you in “Europe.”
Daybreak. No need for a wakeup call or an alarm. 

The cows and donkeys, tamed by the locals around will do that for you. Their “marvellous sounds of nature” will make a good start to your day instead of listening to Mwalimu King'ang'i and Maina Kageni. What to follow is a hot shower because I am in the tropics. Employing little energy, I simply draw water from the artesian well in the vicinity. The next surprise. No shower in the baths, I use a “bathtub.”

Breakfast pap! I make an order for fresh milk direct from the producer’s (cow) supervisor. In less than a minute, tea, not the strong one that is taken in CBD premises, is ready . Hot and sweet, it flows smoothly to my in-built “crater lake” which gets its resources via a minor tributary.

At 0730 hrs, I commence my “exercise” to “Kenya” for my lectures. The well “tarmacked ten-lane” highway leads me to my final destination for the next half a day. On arrival, my mates give me a strange look. To begin with, my seemingly dyed hair, then the grey skin which follows the orange clothes and the description goes on and on. Indeed, a white man from “England.”

Kenya is boring, I need to go back to diaspora. The return journey starts again but now, following a different longitude. I traverse my way through Mackay Building, Pavillion, via Blue Gates conference center then due south to Oxford. Home at last! This time round, on additional three inch sole on top of the existing two inch sole under my feet. I have perfected my mud-walking skills for long but still I find myself in quagmire, should I baptise myself again or save the new look for another episode? Please help.

Feeling exhausted by the twenty five minutes “flight”, I decide to have a nap. That’s the culture with “England” residents. The sights and sounds of natural noise emanating from adjacent buildings, the likes of Jokeme, Kiboiss, Shakopee, Hope, Achievers, Blue Roof, Ngeria View, Forest View and the neighbouring features makes me “adore” the location of the city, Oxford. 

Twenty four hours daily, cool and chilly breeze makes me “relaxed” though I don't have M-PESA as the Safaricom chap puts it. It becomes “fantastic” during the night. The breeze gets charged and eventually makes non-living structures alive. The roof, for instance, produces a “soothing” music, rap. The trees bow in sign of respect. The net temperature of the room has made me to erase a mini-refrigerator from my basket list. My cube suffers the most. A mighty whirlwind does the stuff, re-arranging my assets! What follows, only God knows.

You should try it! Over here, life is “cheap”, “simple” and “free style.” Come to “England”, and you will never dream of being in Mathare. I give you my word for it, I will never translocate from this place! I just “love” it. I’d better seek asylum in K and L but not in Soweto! What a country! What a city! Oh ,what a life! 

Hail Diaspora!

ACADEMICS REDEFINED

By Dagitari Kayai

I have interacted with a group of grey haired men who claim that they schooled “when education was education”. They boast of having amassed a lot of knowledge , that is why they possess unkempt hair an excuse which overshadows their state of poverty. I thought it wise to articulate to them why getting educated nowadays is a nightmare.

HISTORY;
They learned about Maji maji rebellion which was led by Kinjeketile Ngwale and closed the chapter on wars. What about our history? We have learned about a couple of very confusing wars. Post Election Violence, very baffling. The researcher, Moreno Ocampo, who did a biased work suggested that it was led by 6 guys. Later, he found out that two were too apprehensive to deserve the credit of leading warriors. Now he has 4 and still not sure who led it-Ocampo 4.

What with cramming the dates when Baragoi Massacre occured. Before the teacher covered the topic on the genocide, Baragoi Genocide season 2 was transpiring with heads of cattle disappearing and students stormed out to salvage their wealth.

Remember Tana River Revolt which is very hard to determine its day of commencement. One historian suggested that it was led by an MP. Another thought it POLITICAL. What will be the correct answer when asked about its leader?

Kismayu-KDF Conquer. Did it really happen? Hardly had the men in combat took the charcoal rich port than the Al shabaab started hurling grenades in Eastleigh. Why go for charcoal at the expense of our security in classes?

MATHEMATICS;
If Kamau Njoroge bought 3kgs of Sugar @ sh.50...their arithmetic was very static.
Try ours; Today the teacher says. If Hustler Mlalanjaa bought 3kgs @ sh 50...
Tomorrow teacher says...Am sorry the price of sugar is @ sh.90 after the price of petrol soared yesterday..
Day after tomorrow...some correction. Mlalanjaa couldn't get 3 kgs due to sugar shortage in the country..
When will we ever solve any sum in class living in such uncertainty?

RELIGION;
Our fathers were taught by missionaries that Jesus Is Coming Soonest but no one knows the day.
Our religion classes are bombarded by controversial end times; House of Yahwe said the world was supposed to end on Sept 21, 2006, Mayan made us eat everything before Dec 21,2012 the D-day. That is why it is simple for a camel to go through needle eye rather than scoring more than 10 in CRE.

HOME SCIENCE;
Our mothers were taught how to clean napkins and take care of them. They were taught how to care for newborns. Another crook from nowhere who never cares for our environs came up with diapers to nurture our wives -to -be laziness. They came up with someone who can pocket 5k as she baby sits.
The teacher told them that dirt is the source of diseases. No one cares for us that is why they tell us DIRT IS GOOD!

KISWAHILI;
Ask the older generation about Wanyama Shambani. They have a whole book in heads. What do our Swahili teachers teach us? Ikibamba sana wapi nduru weweee...
And when I ask a question the teacher answers...una maswali mengi kwani we ni polisi.

MUSIC;
Our teacher commands us to sing our national anthem in riddim style. He also tells us to recite the loyalty pledge and when we make a mistake he just shouts...PULL IT UP MY STUDENTS...
The other day I answered wrongly and he ironically told me...AWOOOH.

I'm sorry for our bogus academics!

PROOF THAT MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS THAN WOMEN

By Henry Adera

Which group is the best between Men's boyfriends and Women's girlfriends? I have something here for you to help you make a superb judgement:

A married couple has been living happily for over 3 years now. Just last week, the wife failed to return to her matrimonial home and ended up spending the night away. On her return to the house the following morning, the furious husband demanded clarification on her whereabouts the previous night. His wife calmly explained that she had paid her friend a call and couldn't make it back to the house because of matatu issues thus she had no option but to sleep over at her friend's place.

After breakfast, her husband secretly called ten of her best friends to confirm his wife's alibi. None of them acknowledged his wife's claim.

That day, husband spends the night away from their matrimonial home. On his arrival to the house the following day, his yelling wife asks him where he spent the night. Her husband calmly tells her that he spent the night at his friend's place.

The wife then secretly calls ten of her husband's best friends to confirm the alibi. Eight of them confirm that her husband indeed spent the night at their places. The remaining two even claim that her husband is still at their places!

Have a smiling day, wont you?

THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE MOI UNIVERSITY

By Shiku Ngigi

We all have bucket lists. At least I believe we all do; that list of things to do before you die. More so, we have bucket lists tailored to our attendance of an institution of higher learning. I write to the seniors especially, because you are seated there watching the months become days and still dilly-dallying on following through on a promise you made to yourself about your mission in campus. No matter how disillusioned you are about this university with a difference, leave it in style. Leave a mark. 

The following are suggestions slightly skewed to introverts like myself who have probably spent their four or five years cooped up in their rooms, watching movies or studying. All the same, it is even better if you are a freshman, the more years you have to spice up the otherwise dull life in Moi University. 

1. Join a club you have always wanted to join, not for the certificate, not for the passage of time but for the feeding of your passion. Are you always criticizing everything that is Moi and not doing anything about it? It is your time. Do you think you can write better articles than the ones you see on walls (both Facebook and building walls)? Immerse yourself in the thrilling world of peer review and criticism; you will come out stronger and better.
2. Learn a new skill; it could be salsa dancing, a foreign language or baking. I know a few friends who enrolled in classes the moment we began the final year. While it is fun, the skill could be instrumental in wooing a potential spouse or surviving in the wild. (Ok, clearly I have watched too many movies but you get my point.)
3. Cook something you have never done before and invite friends over. If you cook omena thrice a week, change the routine to, say, beef. I know a friend who made chapatis for a bunch of us for the first time in her life in campus. Needless to say, she was happy and we were full! While at it, visit a joint that you have never been to before and sample their delicacies. They are those few that stand out even at our very own stage. I will not mention any names lest I be accused of biased marketing.
4. Answer a question in class. I should be the last person to urge people to do this mostly because I am a constant backbencher who has never raised a hand in a lecture. There is no way I am letting the lecturer know my face, leave alone my name. Today, a lecturer referred to all of us folk at the back as “faceless”. Decide not to be faceless and engage the professors. Do I need to mention the perks of being identifiable to a lecturer?
5. Go for a voice test at MU FM, just for the thrill of it. Maybe you are cut out for radio and you don’t even know it because you never tried. 
6. Walk into the Margaret Thatcher Library, even for a few minutes if you are one of those people who have never been in there (and I know they exist). Nowadays you require your student ID to gain admission into the premises. Walk around, browse the bookshelves. Sometimes (just sometimes) you could find an awesome book. like finding a needle in a haystack. Or sit down and try read. If you are like me and tend to wander off to the graffiti on the boards or simply sleep, then just walk out. At least you tried. 
7. Is there something you were known for in high school, those many years ago, then you dropped it for one reason or other? I know there were many things I was and I am not now. You know yourself. We both know you did not get a brain transplant. Volunteer to visit schools and motivate those we left behind. Sleep less and give more.

I will stop there for today, lest you get bored. But you are at liberty to add your own suggestions. Like I said, I am targeting the introverts, the Facebook and twitter addicts like me. (By the way, you could try tweeting and commenting less and talking to real people more. It’s a breath of fresh air, trust me.) 

All I am saying is, do something different. Do something extra. Maybe you have even done everything on the list or you don’t want to. Or simply, you have your own version of a bucket list. 
Just do it!

Senate approves the March Examination date

BREAKING NEWS


It is now official that Examination date will be on 11th March, following a Senate meeting.

University students will now be forced to do their end of semester after the General Elections. 

We are working on the story.

Date fiasco: Is the 2009 group a cursed lot?

As the dates fiasco continues to mar universities, the 2009 group will probably be speechless. When they were admitted on 27th August 2009, they had hoped that they would study for five years. 

Just a month after orientation, a strike was called. The students had protested over fare increment, forcing the administration to close indefinitely. They had to wait for a month before resuming for the semester's examination. 

History has always placed them in peculiar situations. In 2007, they had to swerve through the bumpy road of school chaos. Most students at that time had demonstrated against "tough" mock examinations. The group would later ward through the political turmoil that rocked the nation. 

It was during the worst post-election violence, that their examination papers were marked. Tribalism was rife, amid claims that marks were ostensibly lowered.

The lot has not escaped yet another crisis that has dodged most public institutions of higher learning. The double intake mess, has indeed caused inconvenience to the students. Last year, they had to spend a whole academic year waiting for the other group to complete their studies. 

With a looming lecturers strike slated for next week, things could be more worse. Earlier today, UASU - Moi Chapter issued a stern warning that they would down their tools ,if their grievances will not be addressed. It is now remains a mystery whether the lot will graduate in December as expected.

Deans committee proposes 11th march as examination date, awaits senate approval

From News Desk

The Deans committee has proposed 11th March as the examinations date this afternoon, according to source privy to the 3rdEye.

The proposal expected to be discussed tomorrow in a Senate meeting states that students will break on 22nd February to allow them participate in the General Elections. 

If the meeting endorses the proposals, the academic year will end in June instead of May. The meeting was attended by School Deans and the MUSO chairman.

THE MU FALLS, A GIFT FROM MOTHER NATURE

By Faith Chepng'etich

The MU falls has earned its name as the famous ‘chilling’ place for many beloved comrades. A great mimicry of Thompsons falls! The MU falls offer magnificent scenery to visit at any time of the day under the sunny cloudy sky. As the name ‘falls’ indicates, this magnificent scenery can hypnotize any outdoor fun lover with its deep narrow channels, smooth attractive bedrocks and fast flowing water.

This is why most if not all roads lead there. Falls of all places plays an integral part to this great university with a difference. Moreover it is the only campus with waterfalls across its land. The young river forming MU falls is the beloved source of drinking water for Moi university fraternity and the neighboring communities. Moreover there are many theories surrounding its source, destination and why it never dries up completely.

For now it is a haven of relaxation for many students who visit it to have fun, to drain their stress, anxiety, worries and those eyeing to have a peaceful personal time with Mother Nature. Many Comrades usually have different ideas about this unique natural physical feature but my advice to them is, why get second hand information about the falls while it is at a stone throw away! Better take some interest; catch a glimpse of this extravagant sight.

ABORTION, TILL WHEN?

By Henry Adera

Uttering that word alone is enough to send a chill down your spine, at least if you have blood running in your veins instead of cold water. I sought to unearth some facts on this topic since I know some friends of mine who have fallen victim to the same, while others are considering it as the only option right now. Some mothers have been greatly disappointed because the efforts to sustain their daughters in Campus become greatly unappreciated when, instead of degree certificates, their daughters present “Living degrees”. 

Let me solely converse with the ladies concerning this issue. Dear ladies, while you boast to your friends about your doctor boyfriend, other ladies are burning the midnight oil in an effort to become doctors. Why get carried away by your boyfriend’s wealth to the level of engaging in unprotected sex? Or why become so gullible to give that much trust?

It’s a universal fact that beauty attracts. However, manners and dignity keep. If your relationship has sex as its base, it becomes a relationshit. Can I disclose some secret to you? Men have their own “Sex book of records” and if all he values most is getting between your legs, RUN! In the nation we live in today, you can choose to work hard now, get a job and live happily with your husband without becoming a housewife liability in your marriage or go ahead and mess up your life, get a child and become a single mum as no man will accept taking responsibility of a burden in marriage.

“Thou shall not kill” is amongst God’s commandments. Abortion is murder, whether you like it or not. Sexual feelings are natural and sex sometimes becomes inevitable. In order to keep hysteria cases at bay; use protection!

According to the Google Zeitgeist 2012 report, ‘how to abort’ topped Kenya's Google searches in the 'How to...' category. This was followed closely by ‘how to conceive’ at number four, ‘how to seduce’ at number six and ‘how to romance’ at eight. For obvious reasons, ‘how to use a condom’ wasn’t big a hit.
Ladies, how will you live with the guilt of knowing you never gave a child a chance to live? What if your mom considered terminating you in your foetal state? You can pretend you are happy. You can try convincing everyone around you that you are innocent but the worst part is: Everybody will believe it, except you! Take it or leave it.

As you read this, there is a comrade and his expectant girlfriend discussing abortion some place; a comrade is having an abortion; another comrade could be breathing her last - the result of a botched abortion, and in some Hostel, a couple is having unprotected sex, right this moment, without a care in the world.

UNIVERSITY STAFF THREATEN TO DOWN THEIR TOOLS OVER PAY

By Kirong' Shadrack

University students might be in for another season of strikes after the university staff, under their respective umbrella Unions, issued a threat on Monday 14th, Jan 2012, to the Government over their Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) that was signed last year.

Issuing the ultimatum, UASU Secretary General Muga K’Olale and UTENSU council members, said that they will withdraw all their services in all public Universities if the Government will not heed to their demand. The two unions, UASU and UTENSU have given the Government a seven day notice, which will expire next week on Monday, failure to which they will resort to industrial action.

The Unions have come out strongly condemning the laxity in handling the matter, blaming the Vice-chancellors for being responsible for the delayed disbursement of the staff money that was released by the Government.

In Moi University, “The Moi University Chapter” has mobilized its members to support it in fighting for their rights. Through a Memo, dated Monday 14th of January, The Chapter invited all its members for a picketing meeting scheduled for today. It is expected to start at nine in the morning at the Main Campus outside the Administration Block and at twelve noon at the College of Health Sciences – Estate Grounds in the Town Campus.

Speaking to the “The 3rd Eye”, some staff members expressed their optimism over today’s meeting agenda, adding that they were very ready to do anything to fight for their rights. "Kama ni University ama Serikali ndiyo wamekwamilia pesa zetu, basi lazima tuwakumbushe hata sisi tuko na haki yetu!"

BARUA KWA 2013

Na Chris Wambui

Mpendwa 2013, Hujambo mwaka mpya? Niruhusu nikuite mwaka mpya kwa sababu mimi ni Mkenya na ni kawaida yetu kusalimiana salamu za mwaka mpya hadi Aprili.

Rafiki yangu kama ujuavyo nilikuwa nimekungoja kwa hamu na ghamu ufike. Wakenya wengi tulisherekea kuchukua usukani kwako kutoka kwa mwenzako 2012. Pombe mingi ilimwagwa tumboni za watu. Mbuzi, ngombe, kuku na hata punda walipoteza uhai. Hela tulitumia bila fikra na vyoo vilijazwa, kwa ajili yako wewe, ili tukusherehekee. Lakini hata baada ya hayo yote, kwa nini ulitusaliti?

Wiki mbili hazijaisha na Wakenya wengi wamepoteza uhai. Tuliona watu hamsini na saba wakifa kwa muda wa siku mbili tu za mwaka huu kwa ajili ya ajali.

Rafiki yangu 2013, ulipoingia, hata kabla ubugie chumvi kawe, tulishuhudia mauaji eneo la Tana. Tumeshuhudia mauaji mtaa wa Mathare na uharibifu wa mali. Hata kabla tukujue kiasi, tumeona vile watu hawana soni kujifanya wana polisi. La kukera zaidi ni kwamba jua limetua kwa vipara zetu na hela zimeadimika kama mayai ya nguruwe.

Mpendwa 2013, kwa niaba ya marafiki zangu na jamaa, nimekuandikia kukujulisha tumechoshwa na bahati zako mbaya. Tafadhali usijiharibie jina kwa kutoleta heri njema. Badilisha mkondo wa mwia uliobaki tafadhali, ndiposa tukusherehekee muda wako wa mamlaka utakapoisha.

Wako mwaminifu,Chris msikitivu...

ANGLOPHOBIA: MY LONG TERM DISEASE

By Governer Joel Evans

It is a disease that has consumed my whole being for the several generations I have lived. I was infected with the disease-causing pathogen long ago, and to date I have faced challenges to vanquish this fatalistic enigma. My mental statue has since then believed that this bizarre ailment has intensively been attributed to my retarded mental growth. It’s a dreary disease, indeed, Anglophobia – “the fear of English”.

English remains a complex phenomenon, and a language meant for the chosen few. On several occasions when these eloquent masters of the language exhibit their prowess, I encounter a chilly sensation and my body parts twitch involuntarily. And this is why: I vividly recall, during the first semester of my first year, when one of my lecturers dictated the content of a take-away assignment before the class. 

Seated at the very front, I had the privilege of grasping word-for-word without any twist arising from mishearing. This was the framing of the query; “Alluding with instructions, elucidate the psycho-socio-econo-phenomenological parameters of the aggrandizing poverty levels amidst the vagabonds of the contemporary society – 30marks.” I collapsed intellectually, physically immobilized, and for once I was emotionless, having understood nothing ! I had to seek a clear revelation of the jargoned piece from my nearest course mate.

Then came this day I got to follow the parliamentary proceedings. A minister, in between his response to a colleague, “Mr. Speaker Sir, the Leader of Government business must terminate his indecorous escapes of shielding lackadaisical members of the house who tend to be redundant in reacting to matters of national concern…” I never hesitated to vacate the vicinity of the TV station since I got drowned in discomposure, unease and was belittled by the volumes of vocabularies spit.

Our Judiciary also worsens my sickness. As much as I accolade the chief justice for his efforts in attainment of the autonomy of the Judiciary, I still cry foul for more reforms which should go beyond the abandoning of wigs and gowns by judges. The language used in the legal fraternity should be diluted. Here is a justification for my request; on questing the US Judicial Portal, the language used proved to be precise and understandable to the common “mwananchi” unlike the situation in the Kenyan court-rooms. 

“Therein’s, thereof’s, thereabouts, in contravention of chapter six, infringement of article 132, jeopardizing clause eight, and so on…” which do nothing but just mystify, perplex and intimidate. Isn’t access to justice also an inclusion of understandable language to all.
Then lastly came this spam “sms” that was doing rounds countrywide; over PLO Lumumba calling the fire station to come to his rescue as his house was on fire. “Are you the combustion officer? Can you please gravitate to my domiciliary habitation…” That turned me off completely!

Apologies to my fellow sick mates who have just rushed for the dictionary before completing the reading of this piece!

WHY I NEED A DATE...

By Stanley Kimuge 

I know our relationship has gone through strenuous path. You had promised that we need a break. Simply wait for a further notice. That everything would be fine and I shouldn’t succumb to worry. But I can’t sleep nowadays. You have left me in the dark. This father of noticing has made me lose a lot of weight. I don’t have appetite for food.

That first time I saw you my world came crushing. That’s why I had to pick you as my first choice. It was tough but I had to settle for you. Your down-to-earth life made me admire you most. But ever since we took a break, my parents think I am suspended for all wrong deeds. They think I was impregnated by you. My father can’t apprehend that notices can be furthered.

Buried in sadness, I noticed well-built men called jobs. What a coincidence? But don’t mind their similar names. Some have approached me on several occasions. I had to turn down. I promised the other that we can push but no strings attached. He had goodies. I couldn’t resist. He whispered to me that money isn’t a problem.

Remember that day when we got engaged at the jab office? The joy and hope thrilled my heart. You vowed that you will stand on your shoulders. You promised that our four year contractual marriage will be smooth. But I still feel disturbed. That day you accused your parents for intrusion. They said that there was no bed space. I must admit it sent me into disarray!

Do I have to lay fault on your “old men”? Someone narrated to me that there are rooms in your house which can comfortably capacitate our family. There are visitors who don’t need exiles. They set time tables in which she can rotate. Up and down. 

My elder brother in form four is suffering from kwashiorkor disease. He says you usually give more than he could chew. I heard he complained that you coerced him to languish in confusion. When he tried to contemplate what was happening, the chef accosted him with un-ripe food. For now, he spends much time in sick bed. The doctor advised him to visit the Much Talked Lab (MTL) regularly . He fears being rejected by potential wives called employees. 

You don’t pop by Facebook like I used to grab. You no longer update your relationship status. It doesn’t even read that you are engaged to me. Just complicated. My heart palpitates in anger when I have glimpse of your profile pictures. They are just first and fourth year ladies’.

I just hope that our friendship will not limp. I pray that a cure will be found. I also want to forgive whoever allowed this mess. Those, who passed this unfortunate double wife intake to pass this test, will surely pay. I blame them for making you have a crush on that fresh girl.

The voice is an ever faithful second year girl from Hakuna Reply na Shida Day School (HRSD) wanting to know when she will be back!

The writer is a publishing and media studies student.

I WANT MY HOLIDAY BACK!

By William Dekker

Buzzzzzz! I feel like two thousand and thirteen bees are buzzing in the entire territory of my head! So here I am once again. It’s neither a New Semester, nor an Academic year but just a shift in the realm of the Global Calendar, a New Year, 2013. No difference to it, same shaggy hair, same old shoes, unchanged Hostel room and same Moi University with the same “Administration”. Come on, I had to mention the “admin” thing, you know why better than I do. Chaos, it is!

Just as soon as I board the MU shuttle at the Eldoret bus stage, thoughts of horrific scenes start to take control of me. And for about 36km to “Main” I am deeply engulfed in a sea of nightmares. Perhaps the confusion that awaits is enough to instantly make one mad. Oh my, the Hostel accommodation disaster, academic calendar programming catastrophe, the “further notices” calamity among other usual downbeats . . . all are in store for me. No pains, after all am in an eye sore-certified institution. Long live Moi . . . oops!"

By the time I get to “Karibu Umefika”, am seriously regretting why I had to travel all the way to this place (today). “Kwani hapa ni High School ntapatiwa pano niki-extend?” Frakaz pap! I make my first stoppage to my “home away from home” and guzzle “2,013” bottles of KEG just to synchronize my head with the new environment here. I tell you the moment you face your day one in this Campus head-on you are bound to suffer. At least I got to “warm boot” myself with a few tots of beer. Now I will have adopted and refreshed my system.

The hostel environment proves not to be conducive as per my expectations. First, I have no coil . . . famine ahead! Secondly, I did a shopping of less than 500/- . . . IDP ahead! Lastly, my roommate has made an “exile” timetable in advance . . .its pirating reloaded!
The usual accommodative neighbors are all wearing the “sura ya kazi” look, meaning this time round my antics for timing meal-times won’t work that efficiently. Apparently, I still don’t have alternative “B” now that I can’t afford a mess-budget for the remaining two months.

It dawns to me that I had received my two-semester HELB loan in advance over the Christmas holiday, and extravagantly spent it in the village (in advance). So here I am broke and broken, pocket-wrecked and miserable! Those who assisted me to passionately feast on the money are nowhere in my vicinity. No one is willing, or rather even capable of loaning me no matter the grounds. After all, “kila mtu ako-broke hii Januarrrr.” Such are the times that you opt for IEBC vacancies to reload your financial status. 

Or I should rather go back home and hunt for the politicians “untie-ment ” money. It’s a season for the voter to “earn”, get paid for attending campaigns. So what am I doing in Moi, when the environment off-campus seems to be more conducive than this? I just need that holiday back. Nikikaa hapa, ntakonda!

MATYRS OF IGNORANCE

By Kinyua Njeri

I look forward for March, when die-hard political sycophants and goons will have their hearts sunk !
Wololoow !

The political moguls that are now being showered with praise and sacrifice(some people are even ready to die for them!) will then turn their backs, as they are used to doing.

The noisy sycophant will be left soar throated while the elected "ANGEL" enjoys the opulence of his belly.
This will include endorsing themselves with Salary increment(a MAN OF THE PEOPLE can't be sustained by a minor six-digit wage. 800k is a mere PEANUT !). 9.3 million shillings will be a normal token for their work.

How can the MEN OF THE PEOPLE be poorer than the people they represent?!!

The sychophant will however have his salary increased by sh.300 after an "enjoyable" taking-to-the streets negotiation. Though he wants 300% increment, the MEN OF THE PEOPLE will mistake that for sh.300.
Ask teachers and nurses, the truth will be dawned!

Ready to offer their living sacrifice to these REFORMERS & PERFORMERS, Kenyans will be ailing and wallowing utterly on hospital beds(if they are lucky enough) or cold, calm and still, in some of the dilapidated morgues. For the great men, a state burial will be held in their honour.

Angels of villainy will be singing lullabies of good riddance to the still corpses of the MARTYRS OF IGNORANCE!

You can be sure of that because the "wise Kenyans" will have offered their bodies and lives to the gods of violence, skirmishes, and "mass action", all to secure their ethnic warlords a place in their country's decision making organ.

It is not until after 3yrs after election that Kenyans will once again regain normalcy, after a sky-rocketing of basic commodities. They once again reunite to sing chants of "UNGA !"

Human Right Activists will once re-rise from their somnolent aestivation with rejuvenated vigour.

It is here that Kenyans will find out how traitors the MEN OF THE PEOPLE were!