By Mohammed Doyo
If there is anything Moi University politicians have taught us is that you needn't have the slightest students’ interest at heart to make it in the murky world of Main Campus politics; not an inkling. Actually the first steps towards a successful stint as a campus politician in Moi Main Campus is to understand the essence of the saying ‘fake it till you make it’. If you don’t believe this, you can as well ask the sitting SGC members.
And how do you become an activist, the main campus way? To begin with, manipulate your close associates from your community to think like you. Transform them into die-hard sycophants, and let them be seen with you in public more often than you are seen with hand-outs or library books.
After marshalling a good number of sycophants, let’s say 8-13, identify a cause to champion for. For example come up with a cause like ‘Operation Transcripts Out’. Come up with a name for your group like ‘Transcripts Sasa’.
Visit all the major administrative offices in the campus starting with the Dean of Students while speaking tough, more like deputy president Ruto interrogating Bungoma Police boss. Threaten the administrators with the popular phrase ‘comrades are fully behind us’ while in your mind, only your roommate, girlfriend, and horde of sycophants are behind you.
Tea will start coming your way in these offices. Again, the administrators will be forced to start laughing with you lest you unleash angry ‘comrades’ upon them. Cash and other sorts of undeserved rewards will come in handy. You know, to facilitate the realization of your cause. At this point, you will have achieved your number one goal – To ‘eat’ while at the same time appearing as an activist in the eyes of the students.
Let’s go back to the students. Keep telling them how you are fighting for their rights. Facebook helps much here. On popular campus pages and forums, explain how you have been spending sleepless nights championing for their rights. Again, don’t forget to make use of the bombastic flowery rhetoric you plagiarized from Martin Luther’s ‘I have a dream’. It will work magic on the virtual walls.
At the students’ centre, don’t ignore the small gatherings. Feigning a Raila-ish accent and Patrice Lumumba rhetoric, inform them on how you are ‘fighting for their rights’.
However, it isn’t a smooth journey all through. Opposition may arise from students who understand your real motives and want to ‘expose’ you. Be quick to brand them ‘enemy of the comrades’ – starting with The 3rd Eye.
Well, by the time you reach here, your popularity will have reached the 50%+1 threshold. Again, you will have already made a mark in the campus political circles and eaten enough to warrant the title ‘The campus activist’ or better still ‘The voice of the comrades’.
All the best!
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
FROM PUPPET TO PUPPETEER: PART 1
By Henry Adera
Okay, okay, okay. I've had it, and so have you. Campus ladies this, campus ladies that, campus ladies are all washed up…you got the wrong equation. Man, every lady goes through transitions. “Why I won’t marry a campus chick”, “HELB terrorists”, “The pocket gangsters…” plus many nasty titles have sprung up because of them. However, I want to stand up tall for them today, not that I haven’t gone through hell in their hands, but because I've also made some of them wish they were fire pokers in hell rather than living here. Let me outline it in this manner:
First year…They come with very high expectations. We’re in campus, aren't we? Some used to be CU chair ladies in their former High Schools. Mark my words, chair ladies. Immediately they pass through that white gate, you know the one adjacent to the St. Michaels Arch-angel Catholic Church, all hell breaks loose. Perhaps that’s why the church is located outside the gate in the first place. They are then branded fresh names - freshers. Nearly every male comrade gets himself a new catch, rendering the third and fourth year ladies ‘worn out’.
It’s a universal fact that women are emotive. Now, coming from a world where they used to be considered ‘old’ and ‘used up’ (high school) to a completely new world where they are all ‘fresh’ (campus), picture it this way: it’s like giving a monkey the key to an amusement park. The appearance doesn't matter. Some look like earth angels, the rest look like my left foot. All the same, they all end up getting cohorts in mint condition.
Second year…This is where the tussles begin. Their eyes are ‘opened’, letter S becomes letter X and “sorry” becomes “sowwy.” Fracas gets new clientèle; the academic highway becomes a beauty arcade with all kinds of fashion disasters. The new ‘husbands’ become overwhelmed with their new 'wives' high financial demands and start to flee, of course leaving footprints behind in form of first degrees which become living after nine months if at all the degree holder doesn't opt to defer, read between the lines.
This is also the point where headlines like “Why I won’t marry a campus chick” and ‘The HIVo HIVo list’ pop up. But who is to blame? These ‘spoilt’ oestrogen-bearing creatures came to campus completely chaste. Some had stable relationships, others were daddy’s girls and of course, a few were respected CU chair ladies. Supposing they were left that way to pursue their bachelor’s degrees in peace, would there be broken hearts, botched abortions and ‘living degrees’? No, sir there wouldn't. Now these disastrous incidences only ensue to naïve and cheap ladies.
Look, I'm aware that we all have blood running in our veins, not cold water, and that we have hearts, not glaciers in our chests. Men come from between women’s legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back there, perhaps because there’s no better place like home. But hey, what of if we consecrate that special feeling to one special person, where every man tries to find and build his home with one lady? What a perfect world this would be!
Third year…this is the ‘rusting’ stage for ladies whereas it’s the ‘recycling’ stage for their male comrade counterparts. Few sensible ladies open their eyes further and realize it’s high time they found worthy partners who have the potential of putting up a roof over their heads. On the other hand, some misfits of ‘swaggeriffic’ men repeat the cycle of destroying unsuspecting female first years. Shame on you!
So, are ladies to blame for their campus behaviour? No. Some nincompoops make them what they are. When you happen to have been raised up in a religious family, you are definitely familiar with the “Almighty God, my daughter is going to campus. Keep her safe and protect her from the devil…” prayer line. Yes, some come to campus right into the hands of some social ‘devils’. It’s up to you female comrades. Be cheap and mix body fluids with different spray guns or be a lady of quality, stick to one man and build up a healthy relationship. The choice is yours.
Okay, okay, okay. I've had it, and so have you. Campus ladies this, campus ladies that, campus ladies are all washed up…you got the wrong equation. Man, every lady goes through transitions. “Why I won’t marry a campus chick”, “HELB terrorists”, “The pocket gangsters…” plus many nasty titles have sprung up because of them. However, I want to stand up tall for them today, not that I haven’t gone through hell in their hands, but because I've also made some of them wish they were fire pokers in hell rather than living here. Let me outline it in this manner:
First year…They come with very high expectations. We’re in campus, aren't we? Some used to be CU chair ladies in their former High Schools. Mark my words, chair ladies. Immediately they pass through that white gate, you know the one adjacent to the St. Michaels Arch-angel Catholic Church, all hell breaks loose. Perhaps that’s why the church is located outside the gate in the first place. They are then branded fresh names - freshers. Nearly every male comrade gets himself a new catch, rendering the third and fourth year ladies ‘worn out’.
It’s a universal fact that women are emotive. Now, coming from a world where they used to be considered ‘old’ and ‘used up’ (high school) to a completely new world where they are all ‘fresh’ (campus), picture it this way: it’s like giving a monkey the key to an amusement park. The appearance doesn't matter. Some look like earth angels, the rest look like my left foot. All the same, they all end up getting cohorts in mint condition.
Second year…This is where the tussles begin. Their eyes are ‘opened’, letter S becomes letter X and “sorry” becomes “sowwy.” Fracas gets new clientèle; the academic highway becomes a beauty arcade with all kinds of fashion disasters. The new ‘husbands’ become overwhelmed with their new 'wives' high financial demands and start to flee, of course leaving footprints behind in form of first degrees which become living after nine months if at all the degree holder doesn't opt to defer, read between the lines.
This is also the point where headlines like “Why I won’t marry a campus chick” and ‘The HIVo HIVo list’ pop up. But who is to blame? These ‘spoilt’ oestrogen-bearing creatures came to campus completely chaste. Some had stable relationships, others were daddy’s girls and of course, a few were respected CU chair ladies. Supposing they were left that way to pursue their bachelor’s degrees in peace, would there be broken hearts, botched abortions and ‘living degrees’? No, sir there wouldn't. Now these disastrous incidences only ensue to naïve and cheap ladies.
Look, I'm aware that we all have blood running in our veins, not cold water, and that we have hearts, not glaciers in our chests. Men come from between women’s legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back there, perhaps because there’s no better place like home. But hey, what of if we consecrate that special feeling to one special person, where every man tries to find and build his home with one lady? What a perfect world this would be!
Third year…this is the ‘rusting’ stage for ladies whereas it’s the ‘recycling’ stage for their male comrade counterparts. Few sensible ladies open their eyes further and realize it’s high time they found worthy partners who have the potential of putting up a roof over their heads. On the other hand, some misfits of ‘swaggeriffic’ men repeat the cycle of destroying unsuspecting female first years. Shame on you!
So, are ladies to blame for their campus behaviour? No. Some nincompoops make them what they are. When you happen to have been raised up in a religious family, you are definitely familiar with the “Almighty God, my daughter is going to campus. Keep her safe and protect her from the devil…” prayer line. Yes, some come to campus right into the hands of some social ‘devils’. It’s up to you female comrades. Be cheap and mix body fluids with different spray guns or be a lady of quality, stick to one man and build up a healthy relationship. The choice is yours.
DO THE VILLAGERS STILL COUNT ON ME?
By Remington Miheso
When the people of my village congregated to offer prayers for me before coming to the university two years ago, they never visualized what they were subjecting their ‘very holy’ and ‘innocent' kid to. One of them even had the guts to tell me, “You will sure love where you are going, huko kuna kila kitu enda usome uje utufunze sisi”.
I can’t blame him for one reason: despite being the headmaster of our village school, the farthest he had travelled was to our neighbouring village about three kilometres away. He had gone to find a wife for me, their ‘innocent’ boy who had never spoken to a lady, leave alone touched them. They offered to hire vans to ferry those willing to escort me to school, a school where after crachu-eting, I would be able to solve all problems in the village, including treating cattle and advising youths.
These are the same youths who had decided to venture into business and do those things that are done by their parents. (Nowadays I am told it’s barter trade where you get a laptop after giving birth). I wished they could amass the money used to hire those vans and give it to me. The 'mama mbogas' of Moi High School would have known who I am. What was the essence of a whole village travelling to this school? Kwani nasomea degree tatu?
All this was in spite of the fact that I wasn’t the only one in university from that village. The others though, after graduating had decided that they would become heroes in drinking chang’aa. That’s the reason why the whole village had to ask The Almighty not to let me do the same. To them, I would be a role model to the young who had the ambitions of studying in this university, a place where all freedom is guaranteed, even the freedom to walk naked and sleep in hostel J.
It has been two years since this happened and I am a completely different person. Maybe I should say I have transformed but my friend Kinyua will argue that it is not transformation. I am sure he will say its degradation. That’s why I won’t seek his opinion on this. He will also start teaching me how to pronounce transformation and degradation, a class I skipped in primary school when our English teacher decided that the cane was more audible than his mouth.
I am sure those villagers who prayed for me would faint if they saw what I have become nowadays. My father will opt to go stay in Mars if he hears that my hostel is next to hostel J and that pirating is a just but a rule which can be broken any time. My mum will have a heart attack in the event that she discovers that in my second year, I stayed in the multi-purpose hostel H, where kids are manufactured. I am told it’s the only hostel with named floors, the maternity floor and the chips café floor among others. I wonder why they don’t name them after people like me.
I won’t invite the villagers to my graduation. Although I am sure they won’t understand the difference between a first class and a second class lower division, I don’t want to take chances. Why should I risk? Who knows, maybe someone has schooled them on the same!
I also don’t want them see how my lady friends wear torn or see-but-don’t-touch clothes. They would turn my graduation ceremony into a prayer session with some cursing the day they hired vans to escort me here. They would even decide that I should abandon the degree and go back to the village to teach the kids how to escape night runners and how to read books but not pass so as never to step foot in the university. But I think I have to visit them before my graduation, I surely will.
The writer is a 3rd Year journalism student and the current managing editor of The 3rd Eye.
When the people of my village congregated to offer prayers for me before coming to the university two years ago, they never visualized what they were subjecting their ‘very holy’ and ‘innocent' kid to. One of them even had the guts to tell me, “You will sure love where you are going, huko kuna kila kitu enda usome uje utufunze sisi”.
I can’t blame him for one reason: despite being the headmaster of our village school, the farthest he had travelled was to our neighbouring village about three kilometres away. He had gone to find a wife for me, their ‘innocent’ boy who had never spoken to a lady, leave alone touched them. They offered to hire vans to ferry those willing to escort me to school, a school where after crachu-eting, I would be able to solve all problems in the village, including treating cattle and advising youths.
These are the same youths who had decided to venture into business and do those things that are done by their parents. (Nowadays I am told it’s barter trade where you get a laptop after giving birth). I wished they could amass the money used to hire those vans and give it to me. The 'mama mbogas' of Moi High School would have known who I am. What was the essence of a whole village travelling to this school? Kwani nasomea degree tatu?
All this was in spite of the fact that I wasn’t the only one in university from that village. The others though, after graduating had decided that they would become heroes in drinking chang’aa. That’s the reason why the whole village had to ask The Almighty not to let me do the same. To them, I would be a role model to the young who had the ambitions of studying in this university, a place where all freedom is guaranteed, even the freedom to walk naked and sleep in hostel J.
It has been two years since this happened and I am a completely different person. Maybe I should say I have transformed but my friend Kinyua will argue that it is not transformation. I am sure he will say its degradation. That’s why I won’t seek his opinion on this. He will also start teaching me how to pronounce transformation and degradation, a class I skipped in primary school when our English teacher decided that the cane was more audible than his mouth.
I am sure those villagers who prayed for me would faint if they saw what I have become nowadays. My father will opt to go stay in Mars if he hears that my hostel is next to hostel J and that pirating is a just but a rule which can be broken any time. My mum will have a heart attack in the event that she discovers that in my second year, I stayed in the multi-purpose hostel H, where kids are manufactured. I am told it’s the only hostel with named floors, the maternity floor and the chips café floor among others. I wonder why they don’t name them after people like me.
I won’t invite the villagers to my graduation. Although I am sure they won’t understand the difference between a first class and a second class lower division, I don’t want to take chances. Why should I risk? Who knows, maybe someone has schooled them on the same!
I also don’t want them see how my lady friends wear torn or see-but-don’t-touch clothes. They would turn my graduation ceremony into a prayer session with some cursing the day they hired vans to escort me here. They would even decide that I should abandon the degree and go back to the village to teach the kids how to escape night runners and how to read books but not pass so as never to step foot in the university. But I think I have to visit them before my graduation, I surely will.
The writer is a 3rd Year journalism student and the current managing editor of The 3rd Eye.
ON YOUR CHRONICLE
By Purity Museo
Eliaph L. Chemai is a lecturer in the School of Human Resource Development in the Department of Communication Studies. Born in 1940 in a well-off family, he did not understand the menace of sleeping hungry. The turning point in his life was when his parents passed away while he was eight years old. He then schooled with the help of the church, community and bursaries from local authorities.
He went to Kapsabet High school and later joined Kenyatta College (now K.U.) and did a teaching course called SI which is equivalent to a diploma in English-Literature and Kiswahili today. He taught in three high schools after which he got a scholarship to the University of Wales in the UK for two years where he acquired his first degree.
He came back to Kenya and taught in two more high schools which included his former school Kapsabet for seven years. He then went back to the UK for his masters at St Marks College. During that time, Kenyan universities and colleges were enrolling the first batch of the 8-4-4 education system. He was among those identified by the British Council Union to teach university students at that time. He therefore became a pioneer lecturer in teaching communication skills in 1990. The Communication Department was established and that’s how he ended up in Moi University.
Despite all he went through, he did not give up. He got educated even as an orphan. Many students in this institution have the same story. Others have the worst experiences in life. Many have given up in life because they see no light ahead. For this reason, they have gone to an extent of destroying their bodies.
They engage themselves into vices such as drug abuse and prostitution. Many of us tend to condemn them and hate their company. It is true that some youths do it out of peer pressure. This is not the case to everyone.
One evening, Davis (not his real name) was staggering hopelessly in the streets of Moi University while drunk. I was curious to know what the problem was. He told me that he did not want to have a sober mind since he hated to remember that he was then an orphan. Both his parents had died in a car crash.
There is a story behind every face. People have different experiences in life. Some are orphans while others come from poor backgrounds. Many have tried to escape their problems by involving themselves in antisocial behaviour. Do not escape your problems. If you made it this far and did not collapse then, you will make it. Let not any challenges put you off from achieving your goal.
Drinking and smoking do not help. Taking pity on oneself does not solve any problem. Plan with what you have without having to borrow and avoid unnecessary spending. For those fully stranded, take a step and talk to people. In Moi University – Main Campus, every school has a group of counsellors that can be approached.
Eliaph L. Chemai is a lecturer in the School of Human Resource Development in the Department of Communication Studies. Born in 1940 in a well-off family, he did not understand the menace of sleeping hungry. The turning point in his life was when his parents passed away while he was eight years old. He then schooled with the help of the church, community and bursaries from local authorities.
He went to Kapsabet High school and later joined Kenyatta College (now K.U.) and did a teaching course called SI which is equivalent to a diploma in English-Literature and Kiswahili today. He taught in three high schools after which he got a scholarship to the University of Wales in the UK for two years where he acquired his first degree.
He came back to Kenya and taught in two more high schools which included his former school Kapsabet for seven years. He then went back to the UK for his masters at St Marks College. During that time, Kenyan universities and colleges were enrolling the first batch of the 8-4-4 education system. He was among those identified by the British Council Union to teach university students at that time. He therefore became a pioneer lecturer in teaching communication skills in 1990. The Communication Department was established and that’s how he ended up in Moi University.
Despite all he went through, he did not give up. He got educated even as an orphan. Many students in this institution have the same story. Others have the worst experiences in life. Many have given up in life because they see no light ahead. For this reason, they have gone to an extent of destroying their bodies.
They engage themselves into vices such as drug abuse and prostitution. Many of us tend to condemn them and hate their company. It is true that some youths do it out of peer pressure. This is not the case to everyone.
One evening, Davis (not his real name) was staggering hopelessly in the streets of Moi University while drunk. I was curious to know what the problem was. He told me that he did not want to have a sober mind since he hated to remember that he was then an orphan. Both his parents had died in a car crash.
There is a story behind every face. People have different experiences in life. Some are orphans while others come from poor backgrounds. Many have tried to escape their problems by involving themselves in antisocial behaviour. Do not escape your problems. If you made it this far and did not collapse then, you will make it. Let not any challenges put you off from achieving your goal.
Drinking and smoking do not help. Taking pity on oneself does not solve any problem. Plan with what you have without having to borrow and avoid unnecessary spending. For those fully stranded, take a step and talk to people. In Moi University – Main Campus, every school has a group of counsellors that can be approached.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
FULFILMENT OF LONG-TERM DESIRE STILL IN QUESTION
By James Kombe
A long time ago, I had an ambition; a desire to be of good service to myself, my people, my community, my country and the world in general. All these amounted to the final destination of my life struggle which necessitated the proper formulation of strategies. After all, in order to reach somewhere, one must pass through somewhere else. I always heard it from different opinion-holders that once you get to the university, you have succeeded in life.
Narrowing down to my specific choice, Moi University is the one whose beauty first presented itself to me. I loved Moi right from the day I learnt how to search for information over the Internet. The institution’s website looks wonderful on the homepage – I must confess. The corporate green colour, moving text and the alternating graphic-enhanced headlines looked attractive to my eyes. I did not know how to follow the links on the page, so I left the site and went ahead to ‘Google’ for Moi University images.
This is where I spent hours smiling. There was the Moi University Administration and Senate Building which looked similar to my imaginative paradise. Margaret Thatcher Library was just enough to clinch my search but before taking leave of the page, I noticed something very interesting. I saw some pathways and I had to ascertain that they are really found in the institution.
29th August, 2011 was the official opening date as was indicated on my admission letter. However, for reasons known to the institution, the date was quickly changed and fell on 14th July the same year. This was relayed via a notice that was in the newspaper which every Kenyan ought to have read, at least for that specific communication. I did not. I got the message a couple of days later. It was purely due to my ignorance and therefore I found no reason to blame any other party whatsoever. Quick arrangements had to be made and effected as demanded. Thanks to the amazing grace of the Lord, I got ready for and landed in the university within the first week.
The opinion that getting to the university means succeeding in life also seems far away from the truth. There are cases where students misbehave in campus and are eventually expelled. This calls for self-discipline as one carries him/herself around campus. Still, continuous below-average performance can lead to a student being discontinued, which means that one must work very hard to avoid such an embarrassment.
In this logic, it is quite evident that being enrolled in a university is not the final step towards success. Even if you successfully complete your course and graduate, you may just find yourself joining a multitude of serious graduates as well as job-seekers. The biggest worry that a university student should therefore have is the question: ‘what special quality do I possess that will attract an employer to me at the expense of the rest?’
Therefore, I still have an ambition; a desire to gain favour from the Almighty and become someone worth mentioning in the near future. Hard work continues…
A long time ago, I had an ambition; a desire to be of good service to myself, my people, my community, my country and the world in general. All these amounted to the final destination of my life struggle which necessitated the proper formulation of strategies. After all, in order to reach somewhere, one must pass through somewhere else. I always heard it from different opinion-holders that once you get to the university, you have succeeded in life.
Narrowing down to my specific choice, Moi University is the one whose beauty first presented itself to me. I loved Moi right from the day I learnt how to search for information over the Internet. The institution’s website looks wonderful on the homepage – I must confess. The corporate green colour, moving text and the alternating graphic-enhanced headlines looked attractive to my eyes. I did not know how to follow the links on the page, so I left the site and went ahead to ‘Google’ for Moi University images.
This is where I spent hours smiling. There was the Moi University Administration and Senate Building which looked similar to my imaginative paradise. Margaret Thatcher Library was just enough to clinch my search but before taking leave of the page, I noticed something very interesting. I saw some pathways and I had to ascertain that they are really found in the institution.
29th August, 2011 was the official opening date as was indicated on my admission letter. However, for reasons known to the institution, the date was quickly changed and fell on 14th July the same year. This was relayed via a notice that was in the newspaper which every Kenyan ought to have read, at least for that specific communication. I did not. I got the message a couple of days later. It was purely due to my ignorance and therefore I found no reason to blame any other party whatsoever. Quick arrangements had to be made and effected as demanded. Thanks to the amazing grace of the Lord, I got ready for and landed in the university within the first week.
The opinion that getting to the university means succeeding in life also seems far away from the truth. There are cases where students misbehave in campus and are eventually expelled. This calls for self-discipline as one carries him/herself around campus. Still, continuous below-average performance can lead to a student being discontinued, which means that one must work very hard to avoid such an embarrassment.
In this logic, it is quite evident that being enrolled in a university is not the final step towards success. Even if you successfully complete your course and graduate, you may just find yourself joining a multitude of serious graduates as well as job-seekers. The biggest worry that a university student should therefore have is the question: ‘what special quality do I possess that will attract an employer to me at the expense of the rest?’
Therefore, I still have an ambition; a desire to gain favour from the Almighty and become someone worth mentioning in the near future. Hard work continues…
WHY THEY CONSIDER ME THEIR HERO
By Maalim Salat
Even though the holiday is too long, I have achieved so much. I am now a hero in my village down here in North Eastern. I am now set to marry the chief’s daughter because she is the only one worth marrying a young man who read many books at a university named after a former president.
I have read many books at Moi Yolofasity, and that is why I wear glasses, excuse me! By the way, that daughter of the local chief, who happens to be the most beautiful girl in the village, does not know how to love men like me who spent so much time in Hostel J before graduating.
One day she visited me and saw me holding a photo of me and my former girlfriend in Moi Yolofasity. You see, my former girlfriend did not originate from North Eastern or Mombasa. She is a member of the kind of female species who wear trousers. In the photo, there were so many miracles, at least according to that daughter of the local chief.
Number one, she wondered how a woman could wear a pair of trousers like men. I defended our girls in Moi Yolofasity by saying that only clever girls who qualify to join a university can wear trousers. She accepted this because she could not argue with a university man like me when she was just a class-8 dropout.
The other miracle she saw in the photo was Hostel H. Tension! This time it is not about Hakumatt or the maternity ward. The girl was wondering how houses can be built on top of each other ‘mbaka anakuwa kubwa namna hii’. When saying ‘namna hii’, you should open your hands wide and stand leaning sideways. Yes, now you get the real picture. That is how our girls in the village do when talking of something huge. I told her that my room is situated on the seventeenth floor. It is better I don’t tell you how she explained this to her father in the evening, otherwise hamtalala tonight.
I still wonder how the village boys heard about the photo but the next day a group of boys visited our home to see the picture I had with the ‘girl from Nairobi’. Apart from Moi Yolofaisty, the only other big town known in our village is Nairobi which they don’t believe is bigger than Garissa. They also heard that girls in Nairobi wear trousers.
They asked me about how houses can be built on each other and I told them that it was built for us by Moi, the Rais and they were like “hii kijana yetu ya yolofasity analala kwa nyumba ya rais. Mimi naaba wewe utakuwa bresident siku moja. Hata Saddam alikuwa namna hii.” (Hawajui kuwa Saddam alikufa). They call me ‘kijana ya yolofaisty’ because I am the first person from that village to ever join a university.
That is why I am a role model to their children and a potential husband to all the beautiful girls. What these girls don’t know is that I don’t like women who don’t know how to ‘hamisha hamisha hiyo bahali yao’. They only know ‘kuweka bahali moja’ while I am used to… (kwani you want to know more?)
Whenever I am called to speak to the candidates in the local schools, I usually tell them how to prepare ‘mwaks’ and pass exams. I usually show the boys the beautiful photos I take with the hostel J residents and tell them “ukienda yolofasity, utabata masichana anaitwa fresha kila maka. Kama hiyo abana tosha, iko mahali anaitwa frakaz hii kitu amejaa kila Friday. Wewe soma kwa bidii halafu wewe utashiba musijana”.
That works and some of the headmasters tell me that the boys are working hard. Do not be surprised to see many shamba boys in the yolofasity next year.
I wanted to tell you about how the boys and girls reacted when they saw me carrying this ‘TV that can be folded’. It is TV because computers are not known here. I can see the editor wondering whether to cook omena or read more of my crap. Let me save the story of the laptop for next week.
The SHAMBA BOY EDITION will be published every Wednesday.
Even though the holiday is too long, I have achieved so much. I am now a hero in my village down here in North Eastern. I am now set to marry the chief’s daughter because she is the only one worth marrying a young man who read many books at a university named after a former president.
I have read many books at Moi Yolofasity, and that is why I wear glasses, excuse me! By the way, that daughter of the local chief, who happens to be the most beautiful girl in the village, does not know how to love men like me who spent so much time in Hostel J before graduating.
One day she visited me and saw me holding a photo of me and my former girlfriend in Moi Yolofasity. You see, my former girlfriend did not originate from North Eastern or Mombasa. She is a member of the kind of female species who wear trousers. In the photo, there were so many miracles, at least according to that daughter of the local chief.
Number one, she wondered how a woman could wear a pair of trousers like men. I defended our girls in Moi Yolofasity by saying that only clever girls who qualify to join a university can wear trousers. She accepted this because she could not argue with a university man like me when she was just a class-8 dropout.
The other miracle she saw in the photo was Hostel H. Tension! This time it is not about Hakumatt or the maternity ward. The girl was wondering how houses can be built on top of each other ‘mbaka anakuwa kubwa namna hii’. When saying ‘namna hii’, you should open your hands wide and stand leaning sideways. Yes, now you get the real picture. That is how our girls in the village do when talking of something huge. I told her that my room is situated on the seventeenth floor. It is better I don’t tell you how she explained this to her father in the evening, otherwise hamtalala tonight.
I still wonder how the village boys heard about the photo but the next day a group of boys visited our home to see the picture I had with the ‘girl from Nairobi’. Apart from Moi Yolofaisty, the only other big town known in our village is Nairobi which they don’t believe is bigger than Garissa. They also heard that girls in Nairobi wear trousers.
They asked me about how houses can be built on each other and I told them that it was built for us by Moi, the Rais and they were like “hii kijana yetu ya yolofasity analala kwa nyumba ya rais. Mimi naaba wewe utakuwa bresident siku moja. Hata Saddam alikuwa namna hii.” (Hawajui kuwa Saddam alikufa). They call me ‘kijana ya yolofaisty’ because I am the first person from that village to ever join a university.
That is why I am a role model to their children and a potential husband to all the beautiful girls. What these girls don’t know is that I don’t like women who don’t know how to ‘hamisha hamisha hiyo bahali yao’. They only know ‘kuweka bahali moja’ while I am used to… (kwani you want to know more?)
Whenever I am called to speak to the candidates in the local schools, I usually tell them how to prepare ‘mwaks’ and pass exams. I usually show the boys the beautiful photos I take with the hostel J residents and tell them “ukienda yolofasity, utabata masichana anaitwa fresha kila maka. Kama hiyo abana tosha, iko mahali anaitwa frakaz hii kitu amejaa kila Friday. Wewe soma kwa bidii halafu wewe utashiba musijana”.
That works and some of the headmasters tell me that the boys are working hard. Do not be surprised to see many shamba boys in the yolofasity next year.
I wanted to tell you about how the boys and girls reacted when they saw me carrying this ‘TV that can be folded’. It is TV because computers are not known here. I can see the editor wondering whether to cook omena or read more of my crap. Let me save the story of the laptop for next week.
The SHAMBA BOY EDITION will be published every Wednesday.
ACACIA’S HOSTEL B FIRE
By Elizabeth Asasha
One of the hostels at Acacia, Moi University - Annex, almost went up in flames this afternoon when its main switch went up in flames minutes after students had arrived from lectures. This comes barely a day after another switch located in the corridor of the same hostel went ablaze.
The incident at Hostel B of Acacia sparked commotion by students following a housekeeper’s remarks that the law students were very organized and that the students currently residing there would have to operate without lights until next weekend, when the problem would be rectified.
The learners expressed their displeasure about the remarks which they found undermining. “Instead of fixing the problem, they are throwing blame and threats at us. We are also communication practitioners and deserve to be accorded equal respect as other students,” bellowed one of the enraged students.
The root cause of the fire remains unknown. Nevertheless, it has since been extinguished and power restored.
One of the hostels at Acacia, Moi University - Annex, almost went up in flames this afternoon when its main switch went up in flames minutes after students had arrived from lectures. This comes barely a day after another switch located in the corridor of the same hostel went ablaze.
The incident at Hostel B of Acacia sparked commotion by students following a housekeeper’s remarks that the law students were very organized and that the students currently residing there would have to operate without lights until next weekend, when the problem would be rectified.
The learners expressed their displeasure about the remarks which they found undermining. “Instead of fixing the problem, they are throwing blame and threats at us. We are also communication practitioners and deserve to be accorded equal respect as other students,” bellowed one of the enraged students.
The root cause of the fire remains unknown. Nevertheless, it has since been extinguished and power restored.
SUWIMO
By Mugo D Mugo
Many years ago, in a village on the banks of the mighty Nzoia River, a boy was born. This is the village of my mother. The boy’s parents aptly named him Suwimo. Due to Suwimo’s mother prowess in preparing the local delicacy obusuma na ingokho, Suwimo grew up a strong boy and he was loved by all.
All along the mighty Nzoia River, young boys would spend the better part of the day honing their swimming skills, naked as expected. Suwimo was not left behind. Soon Suwimo established himself as an indefatigable swimmer, much to the awe of his fellow kids.
When the cool waters of the Nzoia River became too small for him to charter, he was forced to delve into academic waters. Armed with a pen and his books, Suwimo yet again proved to be an excellent academic swimmer, to the admiration of his peers and entire village. All the while, Suwimo was perfecting his swimming skills, in all spheres, literally.
Soon, the academic waters became too small, and due to his previous impeccable performance, the academic waters of University of Nairobi’s School of Medicine beckoned him. He was destined for bigger things.
Suwimo, at that point a young man, landed in the city in the sun and turned his focus to swimming through the medical field.
Six years later, Suwimo graduated with a degree in medicine and the government promptly sent Suwimo to Malindi, to put to use his medical knowledge.
Malindi, a world class tourist destination welcomed the daktari into its warm salty waters. Being young and educated, the flamboyant doctor dove in head first into the waters of Malindi. They say “You can remove a man from the village but you cannot remove the village from him.” Suwimo’s childhood never taught him to wear a swimming costume.
The waters at Malindi are rich in marine life, some good, some terrible. One day, during his swimming escapades, Suwimo was bitten by a small sea creature. At first the wound was small and he didn’t think much of it. As a doctor, he treated the wound. Days turned into months and Suwimo's wound kept popping its head.
He finally sought the counsel of his fellow medics and after several check-ups; their answer was disheartening to Suwimo. He couldn’t fathom all this. He then packed his bags and hopped into the next flight back to the big city where things were no different.
Suwimo, now a shadow of his former self, took his rattling bones to his village. His people brought in the services of the famed witch doctor, 'Takitari Kalumanzira'. A few black hens and other weird paraphernalia were offered to the “gods of medicine.” but Suwimo’s condition never improved.
Two weeks later, the great “swimmer par excellence.” was laid to rest by the entire village. Surprisingly, nobody in the village knew what had killed Suwimo. His death is still discussed in hushed tones.
Suwimo swam in the best waters the world could offer, but he never really invested in a swimming costume.
Comrades, be safe. "Weka condom mpangoni". Or wait till you marry.
Many years ago, in a village on the banks of the mighty Nzoia River, a boy was born. This is the village of my mother. The boy’s parents aptly named him Suwimo. Due to Suwimo’s mother prowess in preparing the local delicacy obusuma na ingokho, Suwimo grew up a strong boy and he was loved by all.
All along the mighty Nzoia River, young boys would spend the better part of the day honing their swimming skills, naked as expected. Suwimo was not left behind. Soon Suwimo established himself as an indefatigable swimmer, much to the awe of his fellow kids.
When the cool waters of the Nzoia River became too small for him to charter, he was forced to delve into academic waters. Armed with a pen and his books, Suwimo yet again proved to be an excellent academic swimmer, to the admiration of his peers and entire village. All the while, Suwimo was perfecting his swimming skills, in all spheres, literally.
Soon, the academic waters became too small, and due to his previous impeccable performance, the academic waters of University of Nairobi’s School of Medicine beckoned him. He was destined for bigger things.
Suwimo, at that point a young man, landed in the city in the sun and turned his focus to swimming through the medical field.
Six years later, Suwimo graduated with a degree in medicine and the government promptly sent Suwimo to Malindi, to put to use his medical knowledge.
Malindi, a world class tourist destination welcomed the daktari into its warm salty waters. Being young and educated, the flamboyant doctor dove in head first into the waters of Malindi. They say “You can remove a man from the village but you cannot remove the village from him.” Suwimo’s childhood never taught him to wear a swimming costume.
The waters at Malindi are rich in marine life, some good, some terrible. One day, during his swimming escapades, Suwimo was bitten by a small sea creature. At first the wound was small and he didn’t think much of it. As a doctor, he treated the wound. Days turned into months and Suwimo's wound kept popping its head.
He finally sought the counsel of his fellow medics and after several check-ups; their answer was disheartening to Suwimo. He couldn’t fathom all this. He then packed his bags and hopped into the next flight back to the big city where things were no different.
Suwimo, now a shadow of his former self, took his rattling bones to his village. His people brought in the services of the famed witch doctor, 'Takitari Kalumanzira'. A few black hens and other weird paraphernalia were offered to the “gods of medicine.” but Suwimo’s condition never improved.
Two weeks later, the great “swimmer par excellence.” was laid to rest by the entire village. Surprisingly, nobody in the village knew what had killed Suwimo. His death is still discussed in hushed tones.
Suwimo swam in the best waters the world could offer, but he never really invested in a swimming costume.
Comrades, be safe. "Weka condom mpangoni". Or wait till you marry.
Monday, May 20, 2013
HR STUDENTS IN PARADISE
By Purity Museo
When I heard that we would report at Annex and not Main Campus, fear gripped me since thoughts of cooking with no coils, living in expensive houses and spending cash on transport flew through my mind. As I read through the university press club fan pages, the reactions from my colleagues were the same. Some suggested that we stay home until August when one of the groups in session will have gone for long holiday. In my university, students have no say that’s why we had to settle at Annex against our wish.
Everyone was in a relaxed mood on the reporting day which was a sign of readiness to face the challenges of being in a new school. A school with no reading materials, no radio station and no media house for students of journalism. In two days’ time, everyone had a place to lay his/her head. Classes began immediately with the timetable stating that lectures will commence at 8am to 6pm daily.
Everything seemed oppressive by then but we realized that no other group might be as lucky and privileged as us. We are in the School of Law. It is possible that no other group will be privileged to study in two Campuses. There are rumours that we are the only group that will not to go for any other long holiday until fourth year. This is the time we will be going on attachment.
I will correct fellow writers and tell them that it's only in Main Campus where the differences are so many. This is not the case with other constituent campuses. It’s only in Main Campus where a break of one week can be a further notice of more than six months and also where students are used to life without electricity and water.
It is ironical that other Moi University campuses particularly Annex, get instructions from the offices in Main Campus yet they are much more organized than the mother university. In the School of Law, houses are self-contained. I mean water taps, toilets and bathrooms are inside the tiled room. Annex students get all these privileges by paying the same amount of fees paid by students in Main Campus.
It is in this school where students sashay to town at a lower cost. HR students are ensuring that at the end of the lectures the lecturer involved with the last class of the day pays the fare to town. When most comrades think of hostels J, C and D where they will be relocated next semester, they pray that they will remain in Annex. HR students will have to move back to Main Campus since the law students who are on their long holiday will be back at the end of July.
The writer is a second year HR student in Annex.
When I heard that we would report at Annex and not Main Campus, fear gripped me since thoughts of cooking with no coils, living in expensive houses and spending cash on transport flew through my mind. As I read through the university press club fan pages, the reactions from my colleagues were the same. Some suggested that we stay home until August when one of the groups in session will have gone for long holiday. In my university, students have no say that’s why we had to settle at Annex against our wish.
Everyone was in a relaxed mood on the reporting day which was a sign of readiness to face the challenges of being in a new school. A school with no reading materials, no radio station and no media house for students of journalism. In two days’ time, everyone had a place to lay his/her head. Classes began immediately with the timetable stating that lectures will commence at 8am to 6pm daily.
Everything seemed oppressive by then but we realized that no other group might be as lucky and privileged as us. We are in the School of Law. It is possible that no other group will be privileged to study in two Campuses. There are rumours that we are the only group that will not to go for any other long holiday until fourth year. This is the time we will be going on attachment.
I will correct fellow writers and tell them that it's only in Main Campus where the differences are so many. This is not the case with other constituent campuses. It’s only in Main Campus where a break of one week can be a further notice of more than six months and also where students are used to life without electricity and water.
It is ironical that other Moi University campuses particularly Annex, get instructions from the offices in Main Campus yet they are much more organized than the mother university. In the School of Law, houses are self-contained. I mean water taps, toilets and bathrooms are inside the tiled room. Annex students get all these privileges by paying the same amount of fees paid by students in Main Campus.
It is in this school where students sashay to town at a lower cost. HR students are ensuring that at the end of the lectures the lecturer involved with the last class of the day pays the fare to town. When most comrades think of hostels J, C and D where they will be relocated next semester, they pray that they will remain in Annex. HR students will have to move back to Main Campus since the law students who are on their long holiday will be back at the end of July.
The writer is a second year HR student in Annex.
FIRE FIGHTS FIRE
By Kinyua Njeri
Africans are ideally the greatest thinkers when it comes to proverbs. Theirs seem to be the most realistic as they allude well to real life contexts. One of those proverbs is the Swahili , "Dawa ya moto ni moto". Definitely, when a rival lights up a fire against you, get a bigger one and overpower him!
I've been a keen follower of MUSO politics, that before and during my time. I have seen Moi University produce great brainy characters for the political auditorium to behold. Take the case of Dikembe, Macharia and Masero, the then united trio that was vocal for change in the SGC. Their youthful and adrenalized vigour burnt so hotly and they couldn't stomach the misconducts of the 25th SGC. Being prominent writers to reckon with, they burst into a controversial critique titled "IGWEE THE DREAMER”. In it, they fervently and plainly faulted the misuse of power by the SGC until they ended up losing their editorial positions in the MUPC. This is one of the greatest pieces I've read.
To cool their boiling desire to topple the SGC, another idea was introduced to them – reviewing the MUSO Constitution. Someone who is conversant with legal procedures of coming up with a constitution will agree with me that time is a great ingredient. Spirited in the service to the union (and of course to themselves) they shifted all their attention to the appealing idea. I'd have wished to tell you that they drafted a constitution that was approved by the senate. But it was not on grounds of being inclined to the students’ welfare at the expense of the administration's. By then, time had flown and the Mwamburi’s government had already finished its term. You now see how fire can be put off by another?
Exit the history lecture room and enter the present. At the entrance, find a heap of dusty, cob-webbed heaps of MUSO constitution drafts. One of them is the one that was born from the efforts of a Constitution Review Commission that included the above named trio. Then, just below it, find the one we're currently using. From the looks of it, you can tell that it is rarely used.
It is the same constitution that, in its formal terseness, states that the elections should have been held in the 8th week of the 2nd semester of the previous academic year. That should have been sometime in September last year. However, the name 'Annual General Meeting' tilts the whole concept to mean that a given SGC must see the dawning of a whole twelve months. That totals to mid-February when the incumbent SGC was voted in. Now this is May and there are no symptoms of elections.
And to make sure this is fortified, the embrace of diverse ideas is here with us again. It all started early this semester when two groups, one agitating for the elections right away and the other for a 'quick' constitution, made their way to the authorities to push for their respective demands. Definitely, with the nature of the bureaucracy here, giving options and diverging interests pokes enough holes that allow manipulation from above.
Then the lighters of fire emerged once again. The constitution group was given the go-ahead but later disbanded on Friday on grounds that it never represented the comrades' will. For now, what warrants fear is the fate of our so-called MUSO. Think of this; what will happen in July when the likes of Doghana, Ogega and Mururu are through with their 4th year and are gone? Who will sit in the Senate to represent students?
Save the hate for the SGC and you'll discover the importance of the dockets they hold. The Academics, Security and Accommodation and the Chairperson's positions are the most sensitive for a context like Moi's. With the expected huge influx of enrolments at the beginning of the next semester, the welfare of students is at risk.
How I hope that the two ideas; constitution and elections, do not become fires that extinguish each other!
Africans are ideally the greatest thinkers when it comes to proverbs. Theirs seem to be the most realistic as they allude well to real life contexts. One of those proverbs is the Swahili , "Dawa ya moto ni moto". Definitely, when a rival lights up a fire against you, get a bigger one and overpower him!
I've been a keen follower of MUSO politics, that before and during my time. I have seen Moi University produce great brainy characters for the political auditorium to behold. Take the case of Dikembe, Macharia and Masero, the then united trio that was vocal for change in the SGC. Their youthful and adrenalized vigour burnt so hotly and they couldn't stomach the misconducts of the 25th SGC. Being prominent writers to reckon with, they burst into a controversial critique titled "IGWEE THE DREAMER”. In it, they fervently and plainly faulted the misuse of power by the SGC until they ended up losing their editorial positions in the MUPC. This is one of the greatest pieces I've read.
To cool their boiling desire to topple the SGC, another idea was introduced to them – reviewing the MUSO Constitution. Someone who is conversant with legal procedures of coming up with a constitution will agree with me that time is a great ingredient. Spirited in the service to the union (and of course to themselves) they shifted all their attention to the appealing idea. I'd have wished to tell you that they drafted a constitution that was approved by the senate. But it was not on grounds of being inclined to the students’ welfare at the expense of the administration's. By then, time had flown and the Mwamburi’s government had already finished its term. You now see how fire can be put off by another?
Exit the history lecture room and enter the present. At the entrance, find a heap of dusty, cob-webbed heaps of MUSO constitution drafts. One of them is the one that was born from the efforts of a Constitution Review Commission that included the above named trio. Then, just below it, find the one we're currently using. From the looks of it, you can tell that it is rarely used.
It is the same constitution that, in its formal terseness, states that the elections should have been held in the 8th week of the 2nd semester of the previous academic year. That should have been sometime in September last year. However, the name 'Annual General Meeting' tilts the whole concept to mean that a given SGC must see the dawning of a whole twelve months. That totals to mid-February when the incumbent SGC was voted in. Now this is May and there are no symptoms of elections.
And to make sure this is fortified, the embrace of diverse ideas is here with us again. It all started early this semester when two groups, one agitating for the elections right away and the other for a 'quick' constitution, made their way to the authorities to push for their respective demands. Definitely, with the nature of the bureaucracy here, giving options and diverging interests pokes enough holes that allow manipulation from above.
Then the lighters of fire emerged once again. The constitution group was given the go-ahead but later disbanded on Friday on grounds that it never represented the comrades' will. For now, what warrants fear is the fate of our so-called MUSO. Think of this; what will happen in July when the likes of Doghana, Ogega and Mururu are through with their 4th year and are gone? Who will sit in the Senate to represent students?
Save the hate for the SGC and you'll discover the importance of the dockets they hold. The Academics, Security and Accommodation and the Chairperson's positions are the most sensitive for a context like Moi's. With the expected huge influx of enrolments at the beginning of the next semester, the welfare of students is at risk.
How I hope that the two ideas; constitution and elections, do not become fires that extinguish each other!
FIVE COUPLES YOU WILL MEET IN CAMPUS
By Shiku Ngigi
When you have spent four years in an institution of higher learning, you learn a lot from simple observation. I have seen and heard enough to authoritatively categorize campus couples into five types.
1. The “Newlyweds”
This couple is so excited about the newfound "love" that they will not hide it. Even though it reaches the public as a rumour first, you will begin to catch them together often. They are likely to be people you've never seen together before. Quickly, their relationship status on Facebook will change.
However, they will still be slightly uncomfortable at the prospect of being seen together, so they will never let you bump into them while they are walking in the company of each other. Immediately they spot you from a distance, the split is instant. The one you do not know will walk on ahead and the partner will engage you in a chit-chat, like nothing just happened, then run on to catch up with the new wifey/hubby. The lady will have an extra load of laundry to do every weekend. In addition, a third party, namely an unlucky roommate, will understand what it means to be in exile, Idi Amin style.
2. The Soap Opera Couple
These two will be the ultimate lovebirds. Either of them did something crazy to get the other to 'ingia box', typically the man. Maybe he stole her away from his roommate. Maybe he even threatened to commit suicide if she rejected him. Whatever the case, they are together right now. Their relationship is the ultimate telenovela.
They have broken up several times. One of them has cheated on the other (or both). Screaming in the hostel corridors is not strange to them. The girl will wail for anyone within a kilometre radius to hear, unashamed. Doors will be banged in the dead of the night; there might even be physical blows. Interestingly enough, the two will be back together in a span of 24 hours.
The pieces will be sewn back in the dark corners of K or J where lights constantly flicker or on the lifeless paths bisecting the campus. And the drama will continue. Who needs to watch a soap opera then? This one is free, no LAN or TV is necessary.
3. The Grown-ups
Needless to say, this is the couple that amazes me most. Everyone knows they are a couple right from first year. You will rarely see them together since they operate in such a seamless manner that you may even think they are not a couple. They do not follow each other everywhere like two blind mice.
During the day, they will go about their business separately. They will cosy up at night and enjoy each other’s company. Even when they are in the same class, they will sit seats apart from each other. And it's not that the relationship is a secret.
No, they just don't smother each other. They are also likely to be the conservative kind that believes that their relationship is their business not everyone else's. In fact, they may never put up their relationship status on Facebook. If you want relationship advice, these are the people you want to go to. They have attained self-actualization. The mentor couple is what it is.
4. The Joined-at-the-Hip Duo
These are just the ones! Be it day or night, they will always be holding hands. Public Display of Affection (PDA) is not an issue to them. If they had a chance, they'd probably never let go of each other, lest one of them one collapses from the lack of oxygen the other provides. It is pure drama if the two are classmates. They will sit together in class, do CATs jointly in the spirit of Harambee and even enlist in the same discussion group. Do I need to mention that the two live together?
At some point, a baby will pop up with a bizarre name (which is totally trendy for the couple) and they will officially have earned their three degrees. The baby also makes it a pretty sealed deal. All they need to do after campus is solemnize the union in about five years when they are ready.
5. The Unaware
Oh yes, these are very tight friends. Visit his room, she's there. Look at her status updates on Facebook, his likes and comments are all over. He will see her off if she's going somewhere. He's her electrician, she's his cook. Ask the girl what they are and she will say they are just friends. The guy may not be too sure. Fortunately or unfortunately, people will start talking.
Within no time, the two are a couple to everyone else but themselves. Most of the time, it's as a result of too many idle minds in campus that have nothing better to do than match people up in their heads and start a story that circulates around campus. Other times, the two are just going through some major denial and will probably invite all of us to a wedding in 2016.
I am yet to conclusively point out which one of these survives after the four years are over; which one is not born out of the convenience of being in campus. I will get back to you once I am out there.
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the couples mentioned herein and existing ones in Moi University - Main Campus is purely coincidental.
When you have spent four years in an institution of higher learning, you learn a lot from simple observation. I have seen and heard enough to authoritatively categorize campus couples into five types.
1. The “Newlyweds”
This couple is so excited about the newfound "love" that they will not hide it. Even though it reaches the public as a rumour first, you will begin to catch them together often. They are likely to be people you've never seen together before. Quickly, their relationship status on Facebook will change.
However, they will still be slightly uncomfortable at the prospect of being seen together, so they will never let you bump into them while they are walking in the company of each other. Immediately they spot you from a distance, the split is instant. The one you do not know will walk on ahead and the partner will engage you in a chit-chat, like nothing just happened, then run on to catch up with the new wifey/hubby. The lady will have an extra load of laundry to do every weekend. In addition, a third party, namely an unlucky roommate, will understand what it means to be in exile, Idi Amin style.
2. The Soap Opera Couple
These two will be the ultimate lovebirds. Either of them did something crazy to get the other to 'ingia box', typically the man. Maybe he stole her away from his roommate. Maybe he even threatened to commit suicide if she rejected him. Whatever the case, they are together right now. Their relationship is the ultimate telenovela.
They have broken up several times. One of them has cheated on the other (or both). Screaming in the hostel corridors is not strange to them. The girl will wail for anyone within a kilometre radius to hear, unashamed. Doors will be banged in the dead of the night; there might even be physical blows. Interestingly enough, the two will be back together in a span of 24 hours.
The pieces will be sewn back in the dark corners of K or J where lights constantly flicker or on the lifeless paths bisecting the campus. And the drama will continue. Who needs to watch a soap opera then? This one is free, no LAN or TV is necessary.
3. The Grown-ups
Needless to say, this is the couple that amazes me most. Everyone knows they are a couple right from first year. You will rarely see them together since they operate in such a seamless manner that you may even think they are not a couple. They do not follow each other everywhere like two blind mice.
During the day, they will go about their business separately. They will cosy up at night and enjoy each other’s company. Even when they are in the same class, they will sit seats apart from each other. And it's not that the relationship is a secret.
No, they just don't smother each other. They are also likely to be the conservative kind that believes that their relationship is their business not everyone else's. In fact, they may never put up their relationship status on Facebook. If you want relationship advice, these are the people you want to go to. They have attained self-actualization. The mentor couple is what it is.
4. The Joined-at-the-Hip Duo
These are just the ones! Be it day or night, they will always be holding hands. Public Display of Affection (PDA) is not an issue to them. If they had a chance, they'd probably never let go of each other, lest one of them one collapses from the lack of oxygen the other provides. It is pure drama if the two are classmates. They will sit together in class, do CATs jointly in the spirit of Harambee and even enlist in the same discussion group. Do I need to mention that the two live together?
At some point, a baby will pop up with a bizarre name (which is totally trendy for the couple) and they will officially have earned their three degrees. The baby also makes it a pretty sealed deal. All they need to do after campus is solemnize the union in about five years when they are ready.
5. The Unaware
Oh yes, these are very tight friends. Visit his room, she's there. Look at her status updates on Facebook, his likes and comments are all over. He will see her off if she's going somewhere. He's her electrician, she's his cook. Ask the girl what they are and she will say they are just friends. The guy may not be too sure. Fortunately or unfortunately, people will start talking.
Within no time, the two are a couple to everyone else but themselves. Most of the time, it's as a result of too many idle minds in campus that have nothing better to do than match people up in their heads and start a story that circulates around campus. Other times, the two are just going through some major denial and will probably invite all of us to a wedding in 2016.
I am yet to conclusively point out which one of these survives after the four years are over; which one is not born out of the convenience of being in campus. I will get back to you once I am out there.
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the couples mentioned herein and existing ones in Moi University - Main Campus is purely coincidental.
MEDICAL STUDENTS DEMONSTRATE OVER CLASS BOYCOTT
By Kirong Shadrack
Various activities came to a standstill at the Administration Block Main Campus this afternoon as a group of students from School of Medicine demonstrated over the boycott of classes by their lecturers over arrears amounting to 118 million.
The pay which backdates to December 2011 was released by the Government. However the amount is yet to be reflected in the staff pay slips, according to the lecturers from the school. Students from both schools, the School of Medicine and that of Dental Surgery, have missed lectures for two weeks and six weeks respectively.
The MUSO Chairperson (School of Medicine), Mr. Betwel Aiwo, sought answers over the delay in reimbursement of the funds. He expressed his disappointment to the administration for not addressing the matter urgently after it failed to address the matter during a previous visit. The ad hoc meeting was chaired by the DVC in charge of Finance and Administration, Prof Chepkuto and DVC in charge of Students Affairs, Prof Ogechi, at the Senate Chambers.
Earlier on, drama ensued as the students demanded audience with the Vice Chancellor, Prof Richard Mibey, who is on an official visit in China. Prof Chepkuto however assured the students that they were going to implement the payment, adding that they had received a government circular over the same.
However this could not assuage the students, as they demanded an immediate formal agreement between the two administrators, the lobby groups (lecturers) and the Chairman of the Clinical Division, Dr Nyongesa. They demanded for the presence of the chairman who would verify whether the money had been disbursed.
Speaking during the meeting the University Chief Accountant, Mr. George Olwada, assured the staff that all the outstanding allowances would be reflected in their May pay slips.
At the time of going to press, representatives of the lobby groups led by Dr Oyungu had confirmed that the money had been disbursed. However it remains unclear if the lecturers will go back to class, pending an ongoing meeting at the School of Health attended by the Principal, Dean School of Medicine, Dean School of Dental Surgery and the student leaders.
Various activities came to a standstill at the Administration Block Main Campus this afternoon as a group of students from School of Medicine demonstrated over the boycott of classes by their lecturers over arrears amounting to 118 million.
The pay which backdates to December 2011 was released by the Government. However the amount is yet to be reflected in the staff pay slips, according to the lecturers from the school. Students from both schools, the School of Medicine and that of Dental Surgery, have missed lectures for two weeks and six weeks respectively.
The MUSO Chairperson (School of Medicine), Mr. Betwel Aiwo, sought answers over the delay in reimbursement of the funds. He expressed his disappointment to the administration for not addressing the matter urgently after it failed to address the matter during a previous visit. The ad hoc meeting was chaired by the DVC in charge of Finance and Administration, Prof Chepkuto and DVC in charge of Students Affairs, Prof Ogechi, at the Senate Chambers.
Earlier on, drama ensued as the students demanded audience with the Vice Chancellor, Prof Richard Mibey, who is on an official visit in China. Prof Chepkuto however assured the students that they were going to implement the payment, adding that they had received a government circular over the same.
However this could not assuage the students, as they demanded an immediate formal agreement between the two administrators, the lobby groups (lecturers) and the Chairman of the Clinical Division, Dr Nyongesa. They demanded for the presence of the chairman who would verify whether the money had been disbursed.
Speaking during the meeting the University Chief Accountant, Mr. George Olwada, assured the staff that all the outstanding allowances would be reflected in their May pay slips.
At the time of going to press, representatives of the lobby groups led by Dr Oyungu had confirmed that the money had been disbursed. However it remains unclear if the lecturers will go back to class, pending an ongoing meeting at the School of Health attended by the Principal, Dean School of Medicine, Dean School of Dental Surgery and the student leaders.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
A LADY’S WORD FOR THE LAWYERS
By Elizabeth Asasha
The 13th day of this month prompted a wave of euphoria among some of the senior male law students with their influx almost surpassing those belonging to the faculty of Human Resource Development. They rubbed hands in glee as they prowled the pulsing Acacia Hostels’ environs whilst the intrigues of their visit remained unknown.
Allocation of rooms was frantically delayed following an order from the varsity administration that students should present a clearance certificate reflecting completion of the first semester fee before being allotted rooms. Nevertheless, the lawyers kept jaunting within the vicinity. It was not long before the ulterior motive came out smoking. Yes, it was unveiled that they were down for a new catch.
They were in groups located at different spots. One group took sides just at the exit path of the hostels such that a by-passing female student’s receptors would hear the sound waves seeking for a fraction of her time: “Excuse me, can I have a moment please? I saw you at Annex mchana. By the way you look cute.” The next step was to ask for contacts.
Then there was another irritating assemblage at the shops clutching bottles of what seemed to many as ‘kibao’; a common liquor that hard core drunkards in university resort to when the economy is below the threshold. From afar, you could see their silhouettes holding empty bottles at the dimly lit peripherals of the kiosk waiting in robust anticipation for the new beautiful faces in Acacia. They would then ask to take any girl that strikes their eyes for dinner, request for an exchange of digits and other superfluous verbiage. The million-dollar question remains: are shops still used as rendezvous?
Other sources have it that part of the team was smoking weed in pitch darkness before setting out on their mission. Surprised? Credible sources revealed that a good number of young queens and kings do it as a hobby.
It is not something worth clamour, after all what is wrong with tripping the lights when both of you are ‘unique’ (single)? Certainly, there isn’t but the manner in which it is projected is so analogue and outdated. Somebody tell the said lawyers that dinner bids are not tendered at the ‘mama mboga’s grocery’ in pitch darkness, holding bottles of mind-formatting drinks. Who subscribes to this as a trend in the world of ‘Tujuane’? It is the most absurd mode for elites of your profile.
Come on legal practitioners, drop the melodrama and come out in broad day light so you can cast your nets appropriately and in the right comportment. The reaction might be negative but be man enough to toddle off the Oraro way. There is no need to pick up a verbal battle!
Remember you are not dealing with tots or freshaz in that purview hence the need to work on your demeanour. Benjamin puts it right, when wealth is lost nothing is lost, when health is lost something is lost but when but when character is lost everything is lost!
Sorry for bursting your bubble but nip it in the bud before it grows into a huge elephant!
The 13th day of this month prompted a wave of euphoria among some of the senior male law students with their influx almost surpassing those belonging to the faculty of Human Resource Development. They rubbed hands in glee as they prowled the pulsing Acacia Hostels’ environs whilst the intrigues of their visit remained unknown.
Allocation of rooms was frantically delayed following an order from the varsity administration that students should present a clearance certificate reflecting completion of the first semester fee before being allotted rooms. Nevertheless, the lawyers kept jaunting within the vicinity. It was not long before the ulterior motive came out smoking. Yes, it was unveiled that they were down for a new catch.
They were in groups located at different spots. One group took sides just at the exit path of the hostels such that a by-passing female student’s receptors would hear the sound waves seeking for a fraction of her time: “Excuse me, can I have a moment please? I saw you at Annex mchana. By the way you look cute.” The next step was to ask for contacts.
Then there was another irritating assemblage at the shops clutching bottles of what seemed to many as ‘kibao’; a common liquor that hard core drunkards in university resort to when the economy is below the threshold. From afar, you could see their silhouettes holding empty bottles at the dimly lit peripherals of the kiosk waiting in robust anticipation for the new beautiful faces in Acacia. They would then ask to take any girl that strikes their eyes for dinner, request for an exchange of digits and other superfluous verbiage. The million-dollar question remains: are shops still used as rendezvous?
Other sources have it that part of the team was smoking weed in pitch darkness before setting out on their mission. Surprised? Credible sources revealed that a good number of young queens and kings do it as a hobby.
It is not something worth clamour, after all what is wrong with tripping the lights when both of you are ‘unique’ (single)? Certainly, there isn’t but the manner in which it is projected is so analogue and outdated. Somebody tell the said lawyers that dinner bids are not tendered at the ‘mama mboga’s grocery’ in pitch darkness, holding bottles of mind-formatting drinks. Who subscribes to this as a trend in the world of ‘Tujuane’? It is the most absurd mode for elites of your profile.
Come on legal practitioners, drop the melodrama and come out in broad day light so you can cast your nets appropriately and in the right comportment. The reaction might be negative but be man enough to toddle off the Oraro way. There is no need to pick up a verbal battle!
Remember you are not dealing with tots or freshaz in that purview hence the need to work on your demeanour. Benjamin puts it right, when wealth is lost nothing is lost, when health is lost something is lost but when but when character is lost everything is lost!
Sorry for bursting your bubble but nip it in the bud before it grows into a huge elephant!
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