HOW TO BE A STUDENT ACTIVIST THE MAIN CAMPUS WAY!

By Mohammed Doyo

If there is anything Moi University politicians have taught us is that you needn't have the slightest students’ interest at heart to make it in the murky world of Main Campus politics; not an inkling. Actually the first steps towards a successful stint as a campus politician in Moi Main Campus is to understand the essence of the saying ‘fake it till you make it’. If you don’t believe this, you can as well ask the sitting SGC members.

And how do you become an activist, the main campus way? To begin with, manipulate your close associates from your community to think like you. Transform them into die-hard sycophants, and let them be seen with you in public more often than you are seen with hand-outs or library books.


After marshalling a good number of sycophants, let’s say 8-13, identify a cause to champion for. For example come up with a cause like ‘Operation Transcripts Out’. Come up with a name for your group like ‘Transcripts Sasa’.

Visit all the major administrative offices in the campus starting with the Dean of Students while speaking tough, more like deputy president Ruto interrogating Bungoma Police boss. Threaten the administrators with the popular phrase ‘comrades are fully behind us’ while in your mind, only your roommate, girlfriend, and horde of sycophants are behind you.

Tea will start coming your way in these offices. Again, the administrators will be forced to start laughing with you lest you unleash angry ‘comrades’ upon them. Cash and other sorts of undeserved rewards will come in handy. You know, to facilitate the realization of your cause. At this point, you will have achieved your number one goal – To ‘eat’ while at the same time appearing as an activist in the eyes of the students.

Let’s go back to the students. Keep telling them how you are fighting for their rights. Facebook helps much here. On popular campus pages and forums, explain how you have been spending sleepless nights championing for their rights. Again, don’t forget to make use of the bombastic flowery rhetoric you plagiarized from Martin Luther’s ‘I have a dream’. It will work magic on the virtual walls.

At the students’ centre, don’t ignore the small gatherings. Feigning a Raila-ish accent and Patrice Lumumba rhetoric, inform them on how you are ‘fighting for their rights’.

However, it isn’t a smooth journey all through. Opposition may arise from students who understand your real motives and want to ‘expose’ you. Be quick to brand them ‘enemy of the comrades’ – starting with The 3rd Eye.

Well, by the time you reach here, your popularity will have reached the 50%+1 threshold. Again, you will have already made a mark in the campus political circles and eaten enough to warrant the title ‘The campus activist’ or better still ‘The voice of the comrades’.

All the best!