DIASPORA??? "ENGLAND" INDEED

By Francis “Kalulu” Omondi 

Set at the end of AICO “highway” lies my new duplex, Oxford. As its name suggests, found in “England.” The surrounding scenery of “tropical forests” and the dark blue painting on its wall glues you to the magnificent artistic structure sending through you numerous imaginations of the kind of life that awaits you in “Europe.”
Daybreak. No need for a wakeup call or an alarm. 

The cows and donkeys, tamed by the locals around will do that for you. Their “marvellous sounds of nature” will make a good start to your day instead of listening to Mwalimu King'ang'i and Maina Kageni. What to follow is a hot shower because I am in the tropics. Employing little energy, I simply draw water from the artesian well in the vicinity. The next surprise. No shower in the baths, I use a “bathtub.”

Breakfast pap! I make an order for fresh milk direct from the producer’s (cow) supervisor. In less than a minute, tea, not the strong one that is taken in CBD premises, is ready . Hot and sweet, it flows smoothly to my in-built “crater lake” which gets its resources via a minor tributary.

At 0730 hrs, I commence my “exercise” to “Kenya” for my lectures. The well “tarmacked ten-lane” highway leads me to my final destination for the next half a day. On arrival, my mates give me a strange look. To begin with, my seemingly dyed hair, then the grey skin which follows the orange clothes and the description goes on and on. Indeed, a white man from “England.”

Kenya is boring, I need to go back to diaspora. The return journey starts again but now, following a different longitude. I traverse my way through Mackay Building, Pavillion, via Blue Gates conference center then due south to Oxford. Home at last! This time round, on additional three inch sole on top of the existing two inch sole under my feet. I have perfected my mud-walking skills for long but still I find myself in quagmire, should I baptise myself again or save the new look for another episode? Please help.

Feeling exhausted by the twenty five minutes “flight”, I decide to have a nap. That’s the culture with “England” residents. The sights and sounds of natural noise emanating from adjacent buildings, the likes of Jokeme, Kiboiss, Shakopee, Hope, Achievers, Blue Roof, Ngeria View, Forest View and the neighbouring features makes me “adore” the location of the city, Oxford. 

Twenty four hours daily, cool and chilly breeze makes me “relaxed” though I don't have M-PESA as the Safaricom chap puts it. It becomes “fantastic” during the night. The breeze gets charged and eventually makes non-living structures alive. The roof, for instance, produces a “soothing” music, rap. The trees bow in sign of respect. The net temperature of the room has made me to erase a mini-refrigerator from my basket list. My cube suffers the most. A mighty whirlwind does the stuff, re-arranging my assets! What follows, only God knows.

You should try it! Over here, life is “cheap”, “simple” and “free style.” Come to “England”, and you will never dream of being in Mathare. I give you my word for it, I will never translocate from this place! I just “love” it. I’d better seek asylum in K and L but not in Soweto! What a country! What a city! Oh ,what a life! 

Hail Diaspora!