Freshaz Night by Kimuge Stanley

Tom is a BBM 1^st year.

This is will be his 1^st Kadunda.

He will be 20 years 10 days, 5 hrs and 6 seconds old.

By the time it dawns, Tom will. . .

1.Witness 412 bottles of keg being smashed. 200 of which will be deformed beyond recognition. 50 of them will be “re-branded”.

2.Will have seen 123 fresh chics being ngurumishad by continuing dudes. Another 77 by his colleagues’ (fresher dudes will have ponyokad).40 of whom will be dumped the following day.

3.Tom will have requested the Dee Jay to play “Tokelezea” 15 times.

4.He will have danced katumbo style all night. An hour in the middle of the crowd. Four hours in the middle of nowhere.

5.He will be astonished for five minutes and amused for 20 minutes before the bash.

6 .He will have slept in the cold after his roommate made impromptu exile.

7.The ear-perching screams will have made chuckled him aloud.

8. He will have smelled 70kg of tobacco and 5 litres of busaa during the night. 55kg of which he inhales.

9 He will have given Red Cross service to 12 staggering strangers. 5 of whom will throw “bad mouth” on him. He will also save his friend Davy from brewing fight over his new catch Juliette.

10.Tom will have tried four times pestering vibes on a chic. All of which will be turned down

11.Tom will have blushed thrice after being approached by a fourth year lady.

12. He will have had 51 missed calls. 40 by her village girl (his last voicemail message will read: I tried calling you 40 times most recently 4.30am). 5 by his roommate (wanting to inquire about his whereabouts). The remaining by his mother. . .

13. Will have snatched a lady towards his room at around 5am. He will have been the last man standing in the floor. The security will have forced him to leave. . .

14. He will have spent ksh 85.50 informing his friends that kadunda imeanza. Ksh 10 will be swallowed by convincing her classmate to come.20 of the amount will have been

Safaricom sponsored.