WHEN NAMES BECOME VOCABULARY IN OUR DICTIONARIES

by Maalim Salat
Last week, while Muslims celebrated Eid-ul-Fitr and wished each other Eid Mubarak, Egyptians celebrated an Eid without Mubarak. So it was of no use to wish an Egyptian friend a happy Eid Mubarak.

In Kenya, we have several names in our dictionaries. Let me just give you few examples.

Alfrend mtuwa

This word came into being after the government sub-woofer asked all dead people to register in his office and come with visas from the jongomeo ambassador to prove that they are indeed dead. When your girlfriend tells you not to alfrend mtuwa her when the next lot of freshers come, you understand what she means, au sio?

Besigye

This word joined our dictionary when human species living in the land of bananas were denied the right to use their legs to move from place to place. The police would make them blind if they were found walking. As a result, they don’t walk; they besigye. Example, Moi University students will besigye to town if the MU-120-sucko continues believing that all main campus students are sons and daughters of MPs.

Wanjiru/Saddam

This is the process of turning oneself into past tense. When you report to this campus, having spent half the helb money at home, miss a room and six lecturers decided to award you sups, you just need to go up huruma Hostel and from there, wanjiru yourself or go to your room and using a rope, saddam yourself. You will then go to heaven or hell depending on the number of lady-freshers you lied to since the day you were admitted to this place.

Mututho

Very soon giant signs on the highways will read “DO NOT TUTHO AND DRIVE”. When your roommate is visited by his mpango wa kando and he tells you to go to a place called exile and you don’t know where that is, all you need is to do is go to the stage, buy 8 bottles of vodka and drink them in 90 seconds like an arsenal fan. Utakuwa umetuthwo hadi morning.

Kalonzo

When your girlfriend asks you never to kalonzo her, she simply means you don’t leave her when she needs you most.

Obama-and-Osama game

This is the new game children play. Long ago it was called hide and seek.

Ruto

This the newest word in the youth dictionary. It means a great person or a hero. An example in a sentence: unajifanya Ruto upelekwe Hague na nani? His lawyer said that the devil must have visited Kenya but not on Ruto’s invitation.

Do you have more names for our dictionary? Share them with us on our facebook fun page.