When students learn more than what the teacher knows

By Maalim Salat

I don’t know whether to instigate this article by thanking the Chairman of MUGSA (Moi University Geeleey Students Association) who went round hostel rooms to educate socially challenged species like me on how to kwachua freshers and maintain relationships or my girlfriend in Hostel J for being so patient with me for so long like an Arsenal fan until I learnt a lot.

She will tell you that since I came back from the long holiday, I changed a lot; that I am not the same idiot that I was in the past few years that I have worshiped a coil in this university. I no longer use phrases like “nakupenda kama maziwa ya ngamia”. I do not get angry when she calls me “baby” although I am not a child. Last year, I used to believe that ‘baby’ means I had permission to suckle her breasts like a child does.

These days I don’t vomit when she kisses me. Last year, I almost cut her lower lip when I tried to do what I saw on the TV. Even my way of greeting has changed. Whenever we meet, I put my chest on her bosom and try as much as possible not to step on her foot. I do not alfrend mtuwa her as we besigye on the academic highway. I hold her hand or waist so that everyone gets to know that she qualified to be mine until the academic year ends.

Last year, I brought her a tin of red KIWI shoe polish so that she could apply on her lips. The MUGSA chairman later told me that what they apply on their lips is called lipstick and not KIWI. So this time I bought her lipstick and not red shoe polish; yaani nimekuwa mjanja!

I am the first alumni of the secondary school where I did my KCSE to join a university. So the headmaster of Dhamajaley secondary school and my community use my name to mean great achievement. So I must prove to them that I achieved much more than they expected by going home with a girl who wears trousers called jeans, whose lips suggest that she feeds on blood, who was born and brought up in the big city where our MP lives, who does not keep quiet when men speak, who does not give birth ovyo ovyo. Of cause they will be surprised to hear that members of the female species can also read books in the university like men.

I surmise you can now vote me in as the MUSO chairman next year because I learnt a lot. In fact the live horror movie series, Peter Mashoka, will play its fourth and final season this year because next year when I become your chairman, I will use the sh. 500 MUSO fees to buy AK-47 rifles and the sh.1000 medical fees to buy ammunitions. Mashoka’s story will then be taught in the School of Arts as HISTORY. You will no longer have to go to the dispensary because panadols are now available in the shop where KUKU means chicken