Thursday, September 15, 2011

THE SHAMBA BOY SERIES: HOW I MET FEDERICKO NYAWAWA

by MAALIM SALAT
Like an arsenal fan bathing with ushindi soap or like a Hostel-H resident who is assured of constant electricity supply, happy moments come to our lives and we milk those moments as if they will never come back. Imagine a situation where you become the president and when you wake up, you realize that it was just a dream.

Last week, I was appointed the secretary-general of Somali-4-Meru society. This society was instigated by the Union of Marqaan Students Association (UMSA), Moi University chapter. Members constantly send money to the Meru community via their local agents and the Meru community, in appreciation, sends them twigs and leaves that make one build castles in the air. George Miraa, the Meru scientist who discovered this plant, will be remembers till judgment day for saving his people from hunger and poverty. In 1961, he convinced the Somali president that his (somali) people will not die of obesity if they use the plant and that they will always remain slim and happy.

Out of curiosity, I decided to give it a try. I bought myself a kilo and settled down to chew and wait for a miracle to happen. And indeed, a miracle happened. At one moment, I was the Mwambuzi of this university and the next moment I was in hell with Federicko Nyawawa. Lest you didn’t read much, Federicko Nyawawa is the scientist who invented night running.

As the head boy of this university, I brought about commendable changes. Students no longer had the nightmares of missing rooms. Form ones never paid for mono’s night entertainment. For the first time, foods at the messes tasted delicious and customers never complained of tumbo-ache. Insecurity and peter mashoka was history. Students stood in respect whenever I passed the stress corner(read frustration square) near the students’ centre. The ladies cooked for me and washed my clothes while the gentlemen cleaned my room and made my bed. They made my security so tight that no one dared hit me with a chupa ya soda.

And at another moment, I was led by the shoulder to hell. The devil himself was behaving like the Kenya police but I had nothing to bribe him with.

Hell was divided into chambers: The western chamber, the central chamber, the kachmega chamber and the chamber with a difference. People were queuing at the gate of each chamber waiting for admission. I saw the longest queue at the gate of the chamber with a difference. The devil gave me a chance to choose the hell I would be tortured in. I decided to go round and find out what happens in each hell.

I first went to the western chamber where I met Federicko. “karibu kijana”, he welcomed me as he handed me a glass of molten iron to drink. I asked him about what happens in his hell and he said “first they allocate you a room where you remain locked in before and after torture time. They then take you to room four of the complex section where you are tied to a seat and your balls get kicked. In the evening they take you to hostel-H (or J for ladies) where they electrocute you.” He told me that the punishment was the same throughout all the chambers in hell.

I then asked him, “If punishment is the same in all chambers, why are more people lining up at the chamber with a difference?”

He smiled and replied, “Because the rooms in the chamber with a difference are less than the occupants; many of them do not get rooms to be locked in. Room number four of the complex section has no seats and there is constant blackout at hostel-H and J.”

It was all a dream but I am proud to be here

1 comment:

  1. Good. I like your creativity Bw. Maalim. Shukrani

    ReplyDelete

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