THE SHAMBA BOY SERIES: WHEN THE NOISE GOES DOWN... Part 2

By Maalim Salat

This new group of directors make me laugh whenever I meet them on the high way. They are all skinny. On their faces is written ‘SOS’ in bold and in capital letters. One would feel like buying them a soda to help them survive. They are all hungry. Reason? Because tenders bado!

By the time we open for the next academic year, they will all be wearing suites and pinching peoples’ noses. ‘you should know people,’ they will say instead of the hugs and smiles. Remember our former headboy? He was Mwambuzi Mwang’ombe Mwangamia. Just because he was given a big room in Ngeria and enough money to fill his wallets, he changed his name to Edwin. At least his girlfriend can proudly say “my sweety is Edwin” instead of “anaitwa Mwang’ombe”.

The new skinny guys have names suggesting they are hungry for our money. Consider our new prefect of money. Ati “Jewel Wale Nakula” simply means ‘that money I will eat’. He will then put the blame on the innocent Obwogo.
Last week I shared with you reasons why I woke up early and voted for some guys and didn’t for others. Here are some more;

Mr. Titus Mururu.
This guy ako na chinda ya matumichi. I gave him a sympathy vote because he reminded me of my former English teacher in the village. “My name is nteyntas mololo and am fying for mpost of hankatemic tailekta. When you nfote for me, hindanet will be efelewhere ingludin the ntoilets”. A symbol of my teacher, how can I deny him my vote? When he visited my room, I almost told him “waja kuhamisha hamisha ingilish. Weka bahali yake”. Please clap for him! Again! Thank you.

Miss Boiling Chem-chai v/s Nyoka-bi
I can bet no one from Nyeri voted for her. Her name suggests that she is always angry and boiling in such a way that you can make tea out of her sweat. Guys from Nyeri hawataki kumwagiwa maji moto and hence would not vote for her as the health prefect. Si hata wewe unajua clinic yetu hakuna dawa? If you get hot water on your face utaenda wapi? I voted for her because I come from a community that worships tea. I knew if I vote for her, atanichemshia chai whenever I visit her. The wife of a snake (bi-nyoka) did not get many votes because her name suggests she can only poison and not give afya.

Mr. i-knock-or-gag v/s Mwashi-gaidi
He is tall and has the chest to knock mashoka out of this university. I almost did not vote for him because his name suggests that that he will knock o- gag the media if we mention his name anywhere after he steals money meant for Hostel-M. I only had to vote for him because he was competing with the local Al-Qaida representative, mwashi-gaidi. If mwashi-gaidi won, he would have bombed and completely destroyed Hostel-M instead of building it.

Mr. Child-law
And indeed ako na sheria ya utoto. He is the prefect in-charge of music and bend-over. He went to every room and danced. He is the only guy who went to all the 495 rooms in hostel-K and danced. He went to the Somali community and told them to vote for him because his mother was a Somali. “si you see venye nimekonda?,” he had said to them. He also said the same to the Maasai and Kalenjin communities. Chics voted for him because he could dance. I voted for him because he weighs 37kgs; 7kgs heavier than the lastborn. It is easy to detect, by the end of his tenure, whether he has stolen the entertainment money or not.