IRD105: TOILET ETIQUETTE

By Steve Karathi

Even with all my love of words there are some words I use with caution. Mind you, am not referring the curse and swear words; those I use in abundance. Am thinking of two words most comrades would identify with: intellectuals and scholars. These are words I dread and it is my opinion they should be used sparingly. In our perceived pseudo intelligence, we can pass for scholars and intellectuals but a pragmatic look at the things happening around campus depicts otherwise.

I don’t mean to be gross but kindly allow me to talk dirty, no I mean filthy. I want to talk about the act and art of shitting. I am aware of the effect that the use of the words shit and art on the same line could have to our dear comrades in the school that identifies with the latter. They are guys who have been on the receiving end of unrelenting, caustic and seething criticism, at times justified, though mostly wrong and overtly condescending. 

However, it is not my intention to propagate this tired epithet; rather, I wish to question the unbecoming behavior, which I believe irritates most of you too: toilet etiquette. We all visit the loo and there is an unwritten code of decorum we are expected to observe in those cubicles. Here in campus, the activity is taken to another level making it an art that require mastery if not perfection.

For guys, hostel D is the introduction phase of how tortuous and intricate defecation can be. The bowls are ever filled, the floors always flooded the whole place is a mess. Getting accustomed to this situation is a constant headache. Some guys discover of that pit latrine ant the far corner near the school of business while a few others opt to visit the loo in their schools. Surely only an inveterate moron can sit on those bowls since they are covered with excrement a few minutes after washing. This is replicated in all hostels and it should shame you if you have not flushed the toilet today after leaving your mess there.

For an institution full of the so called intellectuals, it beat me why we still have guys who lack the basic manners of using a toilet. May be that does not sound a lot but it scream of irresponsibility. If you cannot flush a toilet after taking a dump then you have a big lesson to learn from a three year old kid in a kindergarten. I used to blame lack of water and clogged toilets, but now seeing it happen in the new washrooms confirms that the problem lies with us.

It was a relief to see the completion of the external ablution block but it is unfortunate that the artists have discovered them. The sight of freshly furnished door and clear white tiles has triggered their creativity culminating in a new form of art where the paint is the excrement and their fingers are the brush. I cringe to think we have guys in campus me who forget a t.p. but remember to take a pen with them to the toilet. 

I also wonder how, when hanging precariously on the almost filled bowl, you still get time to write on the toilet and smear the wall with your stool. Do you do this in your home? If not, why do it here? What could you be thinking when you wipe your underside with your bare hands?

I wonder if the university should consider introducing a compulsory course that should deal purely on how to take a dumb. Before then, let’s try and change.