I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE YOU

By Lilian Bonareri

Yes, I just want to be like you. I don’t care who I was meant to be. I feel I was not made the best I could want to be. I don’t want to take time and know me. I don’t care what they will think. I have made up my mind; I want to be like you. I even want to change my name and be called you, but I am afraid. Ooh no…I am not afraid. I am just too proud to let you know that I want to be you. I am too proud to let the people who think I am me realize that I am just being you. I want to effortlessly enjoy the title and status that took you years to build.

I don’t want to accept the title is too heavy for me; I want to make them believe I am this old and “good”. Yes, as good as you are. I even disagree with you so many times. I write badly about you. I want to pretend I am the opposite of you, but I just want to be like you.

I like it that being you earn me so much fame. I have managed to gain some undeserved respect, they now fear me. They think I am this bad boy, they think I am this intelligent “literati”. They talk about me; they cannot afford to ignore me on social media. They read my posts every time I deliver them, even when I know it’s just a bunch of English words, terms they probably have never see. They still read and comment. They praise me even when I know I don’t deserve it. They will leave a thousand likes even when I am abusing them. All because I have learnt to be you, I have done it so well that I am slowly becoming better than you.

I want to get that MUSO seat, yes; I still want to be like you. I will tell them I hate the way you ruled, I will tell them I want to change the constitution that you used in your reign, but at least me, myself and I still know I want to be like you. Yes, I will tell them I will give the shops to associations and not individuals. I will taint my words so well so they can see the different me from you. But I still want to be like you, yes, I want to be the shop owner. I want to be the talk of campus. I want to be the director you were.

I will pay any price to be you. I will use the few hearts I have won to climb up the ladder. Yes, I will be like you. I will betray them all to gain the bigger hearts. I will not remember their efforts to get me there. I will not even pick their calls. I will keep my word to be like you. I will shut my mouth and fill my wallet. I will not lose my voice in a “kamukunji” as I did in the cross fires. I will walk with the high and mighty. I will realize the power in the senate and not the comrades. Yes, I will be like you. I will faithfully follow your steps.