Wednesday, October 5, 2011

HUMOUR: My tribute to Aggrey Warugwiti

BY DAVID MWITARI

Aggrey Warugwiti Wadichu is not a new name here especially to those whose hands cooperate in helping themselves with other people’s wealth. When we received our admission letters to join this paradise, his letter read school of engineering. He informed the villagers that he would specialize in radiotherapy so that he could help in repairing radios in the village.

This was good news to all since I was also to do rocket science so as to help increase the production of rocket cigarettes which are on high demand since they only cost a shilling .Our village, that is the land where the horizon is the end of the earth, needed this blend of genius brains hence when Aggrey warugwiti came here and realized radiotherapy was in the school of medicine, he decided to go there. Since he is the one who introduced me to Odhisi, Jusfa and Judas I have to give him a tribute by giving one of his most romantic movies he acted here before his departure.

We had boarded the wakanai bus to Kesses dam with him for a field study. I fixed myself on the unfinished seats behind Warugwiti and pretended we never new each other as we normally do for security purposes well expressed earlier in the first sentences. I was dressed on my new mutumba vest which I had bought in mabatini alias Kiamaiko. It smelt the common mutumba perfume hence all could have realized it since it neutralized the oduor most of the rabbits in this bus produced, bearing in mind all could afford the ride by it.

The reason a high third rate citizen like me accepted to travel by wakanai, Aggrey had laid praise on this bus in that he liked standing while holding the coated zinc metal rod on the roof of the bus, hence, you can guess how colorfully it would be if he was lucky to be ganged between ladies, he would do the pick pocketing of hand bags handsomely. This is why when I boarded this bus I was sure my sweetheart would add my contract since the money to treat her would be enough. This would add value to my vibes bearing in mind I told her i would take her to be done either kipara ngoto ,blow-in or blow-wet hairstyle on one of the weekends.

I wanted to call her to inform her I had landed a part time job when I realized Aggrey had seen a new catch. On concentrating on the vibes he was downloading, I credited him for his creativity. He did not embarrass our forefathers who taught us on getting skirt wearers in boxes with loopholes which allowed them out even before we said what we wanted. It went like this:

Niaje meri, ni kama nakujua?” The lady looked to the window which indicated the soaked beans we had eaten in the mess had done exactly what you would have expected. He had let chlorine gas from his mouth. “Sikujui” she answered. Immediately, Aggrey took out his kabambe phone and pretended to be browsing. “unajuaje, hii phone yangu ni 3G internet enabled.uko facebook we hook up?” unfortunately the lady had no idea Aggrey warugwiti’s hands hand cooperated well with him to help him with her Ideos phone the hottest nangos around. “You silly dude you don’t realize kabambe phones do not browse at your age?”

The lady started getting into her handbag to get her Ideos in a swagger. Not until the lady screamed when I realized how Aggrey Warugwiti Wadichu will get it hard to explain to sir Ocampo when the hungry passengers in wrecked wakanai bus would start a random search and turn to post-pick pocketing violence. Live long Aggrey!

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